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King Garland (Christmas humor)

by louis gander  
12/08/2014 / Holidays


Oh, once upon a selfish time
King Garland had his reign,
but he had planned an evil scheme
that no one could contain.
Before the holidays arrived
his men would decorate.
Besieged with colored lighting grand,
while subjects would await.

Bright lights were hung and garland strung
from pillars through the halls,
but never was there quite enough
for old King Garland's walls.
He called his servants, gave to them
decree that he had signed,
to confiscate all garland 'round -
each piece that they could find.

So all his men went out that day
collecting all they could.
They entered every store and home
and left their walls bare wood.
They brought back all their garland, lights
and even decorations -
in hopes that they'd impress the king,
(win his admiration).

Well, mothers wept and children cried.
Oh, what were they to do?
Have Christmas without colored lights?
Their deep frustrations grew.
They came from every shop and home -
from even desert sand,
to protest theft of Christmastime
from all across their land.

They gathered at the castle walls.
The protesters would scream.
The king had fin'lly heard enough
and thought them most extreme.
Concocted, he, pathetic lies -
some great deceptive lines...
He'd either calm the crowd a bit,
or threaten them with fines.

But on his way to balcony,
we witnessed quite a sight.
At top of stairs, his crown got snagged
on just one garland's light.
He quickly grasped his priceless crown
so it would not fall off...
(the queen had started laughing but
she hid it with a cough).

From that point on it went downhill.
On garland, he had stumbled.
And then the laughter opened up
when we saw how he tumbled...
...bouncing down the stairway toward
the great, grand balcony
where ev'ryone was gathered 'round,
where ev'ryone could see.

Well, how it happened, we're not sure
but crowd was quite aghast.
The king, himself, embarrassed.
It happened all so fast.
With garland tangled 'round his foot
the crowd let out a cheer -
for king was swinging up-side-down
below the chandelier!

T'was then the king decided that,
(because of his bad fall),
that ev'ry single Christmas should
be lived by one and all.
So handed back, was ev'ry piece
of garland that he stole.
The people had their Christmas back -
while king had gotten coal.

The moral of this poem?

Do not be some pathetic fool
who let's greed have its way.
You cannot steal the Spirit from
the folk on Christmas day.

Treat others, not as subjects, but
respect them all instead.
If selfish, ever, you become,
may blood rush to your head.

2014 louis gander

Copyright 2020 by louis gander.
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