C.S. Lewis's The Screwtape Letters: Revisited
by 7/25/2007 / Entertainment
If the great author C.S. Lewis were alive today, I wonder what he might add to his famous "The Screwtape Letters?" As an avid fan of his I would like to make a feeble attempt on what he might write about "Wormwood" and "Uncle Screwtape." Their dialogues in "Screwtape" were fascinating and entertaining. I would like to present the following examples of a fictional 21st dialogue that might appear in an epilogue for The Screwtape Letters. Perhaps it might go something like this
"My dear Wormwood, I want to congratulate you on keeping the family unit divided, disorganized and poor. Good job on holding the family down in such abject poverty! Without money, they will have no desire in life except to "survive" and then waste what little money they have left on fast food, cigarettes, lottery tickets etc. They will have no time for education and dreams."
"Congratulations on bringing the morals of the country and family down. The low morale has helped kept them indifferent to the immorality of their cities and nation. Because they are indifferent to the morals of their leadersstate, local and federal-- they care little about their families or themselves. In fact, they will feel superior to officials, especially when they so many higher up people succumbing to lawsuits and such. Keep up the good work. Much good can come from this.
"I want to commend you, Wormwood, on keeping the lowly human in a busy state of mind and activity. By keeping him and her busy in various activities, they have little time to think; and therefore will neglect family and friends. By the time he or she reaches the end of their life, it will be too late to do the really good and decent things."
"Wormwood, my dear nephew, you must do more about "rudeness." Yes, I know that rudeness has reached an all time high but your efforts are not consistent enough. The rudeness must be of a quality where it brings despair and a touch of anarchy for it to be effective. Rudeness must be more "personal" in nature. Bring back the "glare" in a person's eyes when he or she feels offended. Let the rudeness come from someone they know and love, preferably a family member."
"Mediocrity, my dear Wormwood is doing much for our camp but it must be in all areas of life not just the "customer service" areas. Mediocrity must be especially prevalent among family and friends. Let the lowly human only do what is necessary to sustain a friendship or family situation. Indifference, that wonderful companion of ours, has helped exceedingly in destroying the family and friendship. Keep it going, good buddy."
"I want to commend you, my dear nephew on the wonderful job you are doing with our best ally. I'm speaking of course about selfishness! Here is where we shine, my lowly Wormwood! Selfishness is at an all-time high, especially with the young and the very old. Both extremes are thinking only of themselves, which is exactly what we want! Selfishness will continue to bring many healthy souls to our side."
"What has happened my dear Wormwood with the "return of front porches?" You know that this will only help the other side! Porches are bringing back the neighborhood and families are getting close once again. We cannot have this! However, we can use the porches for our gain by having "porch monkeys" making fun of their neighbors. This will cause separation and hostility, cousins in loneliness. Keep your eyes on this problematic situation and agitate when necessary."
"Wormwood, again I commend you on the affluence you are having with TV Sitcoms. Most of them make adults, children and the elderly look totally moronic, stupid and selfish. The old saying "monkey see, monkey do" is really causing great harm and such a plus factor for our side. Keep it up but be careful some of the sitcoms are actually becoming "decent" and "interesting." We can't allow that! I'll be monitoring you on this issue, rest assured."
"Books, magazines, newspapers! Wormwood, I'm disappointed! Far too many humans are reading again. We can't have that! You know how easily manipulated humans are when they're not educated. You have totally neglected your duty in this area. Get rid of these foul things now!"
"Praise and glory to you my dear Wormwood. The stinking human has been excessive in many areas as of late and I want to say that you're doing a wonderful job! They are eating too much, working too hard, worrying too much, wasting a great deal---time, etc. Keep up the great work!"
"What can I say! What a great "fiend" you are! Keeping the little ones in daycare. It is working out fantastic! They are seldom with their parents, don't even know their parents, are unhappy and when they grow up will be indifferent to almost everyone. They will have many emotional problems and will have serious problems adjusting to life's demands. Keep those daycare centers growing and always make sure that the employees are tired and overworked!"
"Good work on the scandals in the churches. This will keep many of the disgusting humans from going to church and praying. We could not have scrounged up a better way to betray our Enemy. Only the lowly human could have thought of such depravity! Of course, with a little help from ushee..hee! All hail the lowly human!."
"Wonderful job on the high schools, particularly the colleges! Standards are way down and there is little learning. The violence in the schools is creating division, mistrust, anger and most of all stupidity! Chaos, oh how I love the name! It is simply wonderful!"
"Wormwoodwhere have you been concerning drugs? It was going great years ago. What happened? Get those drugs into the childrenGet them hooked by age six. We mustn't let them get too old before they develop this wonderfully destructive habit."
"Alcohol and smoking, you're doing better there. But, it could be a lot better. Now, let's get going on this. Make sure advertisements are bolder and more seductive. Such promotions have worked well in the past. "
"Kudos! Wormwood, with your success in the mental health arena. Most of the psychologists and psychiatrists are taking better care of themselves than the patients. Keep them indifferent to the patient. Let them see the patient as the "enemy", someone to tolerate, so that they are of minimal help to them."
"It is important that they not heal the patient but keep him in a highly agitated mental state. We don't want the patient getting better, do we? Above all, let the judgmental look of the physician must disturb and bother the patient, but not enough that he doesn't stop altogether. We want the patient to continue to be "needy" and "passive." Be ever watchful of the really "caring" psychiatrists and psychologists. A handful of the really "good" ones can do much for the other side."
"Excellent job on U.S.'s past president and his great influence on children and adults. The children are even talking and doing oral sex in and out of school. He has greatly influenced them in this and other areas. "
"Keep this kind of influence going. Let the lowly human be influenced by the lifestyles of the rich and idiotic---particularly when it comes to adultery, greed, lust, selfishness and the all-famous murder! The more these idiots talk and do their "evil" deeds, the better and the more souls we can deliver. This is a very efficient way of getting souls. Small investment, large returns! Good work, my little nephew."
1, C.S. Lewis, "The Screwtape Letters." Put in additional information here.
Toni Star is a freelance writer and author of six books. She also is a master's graduate of Capella University and loves to read and sew.