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The Many Faces of Loneliness

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7/28/2007 / Christian Living

I think many of us have had feelings of loneliness at one time or another in our lives. It is a common ailment we all suffer with now and then and it can be brought on by many different situations or issues with others.

One can feel lonely in a crowd, when all alone, when sick, when feeling depressed or unworthy, when comparing oneself with others and thinking that everyone looks better, dresses better or has more or lonely thinking that he or she doesn't fit anywhere in life.

In addition, loneliness can also be felt when working or living in a strange new environment. Not knowing anyone, being the new person, can also bring on feelings of loneliness; a loneliness that is hard to shake..

The death of a loved one is hard enough to deal with but when loneliness follows, it just adds to the suffering.

So much has been written about the loneliness following the death of another but I would like to also speak to the feeling of loneliness when losing a close friend.

True friendship, in my opinion, is so rare these days due to the fact that people every year, are uprooted from their jobs and places of living, are barraged with the constant change and addition of "electronics and gadgets," and hammered with various media assaulting our senses, values and peace of mind.

But seriously, what "is" loneliness? For answers, I went to my trusty online dictionary and found this: "1. the state of being alone in solitary isolation, 2. lonelinesssadness resulting from being forsaken or abandoned, and 3. a disposition toward being alone." The Free Dictionary.com (2005).

Then, I thought what about the word "alone?" What does it mean? I went to BibleGateway.com for the answer. From Exodus 4:26: "So the LORD let him alone." From Exodus 18:18: "You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone."

And from Exodus 24:2: "but Moses alone is to approach the LORD; the others must not come near. And the people may not come up with Him."

It seems from the Bibleat least these few partsthat at times, there is nothing wrong in being alone. But, there are times when there is a lot of work to do, that's the time the Lord wants you to have help.

So, what does this all meanloneliness vs. alone? It seems to me that it depends on the person. If the person is used to being alone and can handle daily situations well that way, then so be it; however, if a person is not used to being alonemaybe has a large family and enjoys doing things and interacting with many, then that' fine

Which brings me to what I would like to exchange with youWhen one has a close friend and is used to being with that friend and enjoying their company and doing things with them and then all of a sudden loses that friend because of a move or because the friend wants to move on, then sometimes a terrible loneliness sets in and with it, depression.

Such was the case with me several years ago. My husband and I were friends with a couple in Massachusetts. As two couples, we had many happy moments.

Then, about a year later my husband had to move due to a career change. The couple was nice with us and helped us with the move and for awhile the friendship continued even though we were far away from them

Then, about a year later, the letters stopped coming, the phone calls ceased and the caring friendship died. Of course being separated by distance explains why this happens, but true friendship, in my opinion can overcome distance. But, it in this case, it didn't.

I think I grieved for about two years after that, was depressed and lonely because the woman and I used to share so many private and wonderful conversations and outings

How did I get through this? My husband helped me to focus on what was importantour lives together, God, and our families.

I also got busy and went back to school, did some volunteer work and picked up my freelance writing again. It wasn't long before the loneliness for my friend was gone and in place I had developed a better and more active life for myself and my husband, helped others who felt down and out but most importantly, I turned closer to God and made Him first in my life.

I found to my surprise that I was making my friendship with my friend a higher priority than God and that was so wrong! Just recently, I found to my amazement that I was doing the very same thing with another friendmaking that person more important than Godputting that person first.

I have turned to that part of the scripture in the Bible that has helped me and others so much---"Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and all else will be added unto you."

You know what? When you keep God first in your life above allGod will give you the friendships you desire and every other good thing that He wants for youAnd, as an anonymous writer once wrote: "Love who you are right now and let God be your barometer. Mirror Him.

Look in the mirror in the morning and see how much of God you see. He's the only standard and even when you come up short, He will not leave you or forsake you.

Smile and may God continue to bless you."

Aren't those wonderful words? Isn't it great to know that no matter how you look, how you perform, how much money you have or what you status is in the community, God loves youno matter what!

So, when you are lonely, turn to the One who created you. For with Him and through Him, you will never be alone or lonely!

Toni Star is a freelance writer and author of six books. She also is a master's graduate of Capella University and loves to read and sew.

My website is: http://pathwaystochrist.blogspot.com

Copyright Toni Star 2007

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