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Satan Requires His Demons to Read God's Word

by Greg Miller
7/20/2015 / Humor

By Greg Miller 2015

Satan woke up after his midday nap, boiling mad.

After filling the air with a burst of his most recently invented expletives, the King of Darkness requested advice from his top lieutenants. "I had a dream while I was asleep, and I need to know what to do about it," Satan told his subordinates.

"Tell us about your dream, boss!" Lt. Zak begged.

"Yeah, Mr. Satan, we'd like to help!" Lt. Zoe demanded.

"You bet your bottom dollar we would," said Lt. Zane enthusiastically. "We're coming up with new ideas all the time about how to defeat Jesus Christ. In my mind, I can picture myself pulverizing Him right now!"

"I get first crack at giving you an idea!" asserted Lt. Zachariah. "Don't forget, you voted me 'Most Improved Demon' at last year's Demon Convention."

"Yes, I did," Lucifer recalled. "If all my imps worked as hard as you did last year, I wouldn't be losing as many converts to Jesus as I am."

Satan urged all his assistants to have a thorough understanding of God's Word, the Bible. Lt. Zachariah devoted a minimum of five hours a day to the Holy Book, devouring chapter after chapter and book after book. The Father of Lies required all his top lieutenants to read the Bible at least two hours each day and pass verbal and written exams on the books they studied.

The devil encouraged his imps to be inquisitive. "If you don't understand something, just ask me!" he snickered. "There's not a Christian in the world who knows more about this book than I know."

Lt. Zachariah was as curious about God's Word as he was devoted to Satan, so every week the demon submitted numerous questions to his master. "Did God really create man in His own image?" asked Lt. Zachariah.

"He certainly did."

"Did He speak all the galaxies into existence?"

"Certainly. A magician didn't make them appear."

"Did God really send a flood upon the earth, resulting in only eight survivors? Many people think the flood was just a story, myth or parable and really didn't happen."

"Yes, it happened. I was standing next to Noah, trying to talk him out of his righteousness and his destiny, but he insisted on remaining true to God. His family and friends tried to talk Noah out of obeying God, but he victoriously kept his eyes on the Lord."

"Did Jesus really die on the Cross and spend three days and three nights in the tomb and come back to life?"

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Satan screamed. "You've served me well, so far, Lt. Zachariah, but let me warn you, one more question about the Cross, and you will be demoted to Private Z!"

To contact the writer of this column about speaking engagements, including Christian Comedy Fundraising Outreaches, Christian Creativity Seminars and/or puppet ministry, please email [email protected] or [email protected].

By Greg Miller 2018

Greg is retired from the Elizabethton STAR Newspaper, after working there for almost 23 years. He now freelances for the paper. Contact email address is [email protected], also facebook.com/kidcool4jesus. Available for speaking engagements/other ministries. Jesus is Lord

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