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I am ...
by Jennifer Cardinal
7/30/2015 / Writing
You tell me "I am". You tell me "I'm here". I struggle, I want to know the answers, I want to see the way paved out before me. I come to you on bended knees and ask you, what is it you have for me?, What is my purpose? show me the way. You don't answer. At least it seems.
Then I hear you. In the white clouds that form in the sky, in the tender green of new buds on a tree, in the cool wind that blows on a summer night, in the evening sky that falls dotted with stars. You wrap yourself around me. You don't give me the answers I am looking for. You simply whisper to me "I am", "I am here".
The thoughts come, they race. What about this, what about that? What if I never figure this out? I toss and turn , I can't turn off the thoughts. I bring myself to the bathroom ,splash cold water on my face. Dear Lord help me, help me sleep. Turn off the thoughts that race in my mind. I feel the coolness of the tile as I kneel in prayer to the floor, I hear the clock ticking reminding me that morning will come. You don't answer all the thoughts racing in my head. You simply come to me in the silence of the night as I climb back into bed and you tell me "I am". You tell me " I am here". I find a moment of rest in that peace as I close my eyes knowing you are with me.
I wake in the morning and see the light filtering in through the blinds. A new day. My mind immediately goes to my check list. What do I have to do today? What do I have to complete? I take a moment before my feet hit the floor and I say Good Morning God. Thank you for this day. Be with me, speak to me. You say to me "I am". You say to me "I am here."
Is it enough? My mind, my body ,my flesh wants answers, proof , a paved out route, a detailed map. But you don't answer those prayers. You come to me in simple whispers of truth . Simple statements of comfort. "I am". "I am here".
Let it be enough of dear God. Let you be enough. Help me to surrender the thoughts, the wanting, the dreams, the desires, help me to trust it all to you and know you are the great "I am" and you are near, you are right here.
My family and I recently moved across the US from NV to CT. This has brought about great change in our lives as well as in my own personal walk with God. I have re-discovered an old love of mine in this process - writing. I appreciate your feedback. Thanks for reading. [email protected]
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