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Being Emotionally There For Your Spouse
by Angie Lewis
7/30/2007 / Marriage
The vast majority of couples do not communicate properly. You might think you communicate just fine, but any time you discount what your spouse is saying, or any time you interrupt with your own view on things, you are not communicating properly. It is not that you should not have your own viewpoints, but there is a certain way you ought to express yourself without "over throwing" someone else's feelings. Opinionated people do not communicate well they are too concerned with their own opinion to open their mind to anyone else's opinion. And this can cause problems in your relationships.
In marriage, it is very important that we take the time to listen to what our spouse is saying and to hear the message they are trying to tell us. If we don't hear what they are saying, how can we answer back productively? The problem is couples are impatient with each other, at times, and that keeps them from actually hearing what their spouse has to say. Many times, out of impatience, we hurry up and interject with our own feelings and thoughts on a certain subject. Now how selfish is that? Have you ever not wanted to accept what your spouse is saying? You couldn't believe what you ears were actually hearing, and so you either walked away or zoned them out?
Many times, especially during an argument or debate we believe that our way of thinking is the only right way, and so we just don't care what our spouse has to say about it. How rude! Paying attention to your spouse and understanding "what" they are saying and "why" they are saying it is an important part of interacting with your spouse that can bring you closer together on the emotional and intimate levels. The more you do not express yourself or the more you do not try and listen and understand your spouse the further apart emotionally you will become.
Put yourself in your husband's/wife's shoes. How do you do that? Actually sit down and mentally put yourself in the thought patterns of your spouse. We all have good reasons of why we feel a certain way and that goes for your spouse too. If you feel contradictory towards their way of thinking, don't be disagreeable or intolerable; learn to express yourself productively without hurting your spouse! The more you interrupt or behave intolerable the more closed lipped and silent your spouse becomes and the further apart you will both be emotionally from one another.
Next time you are debating or arguing, let your spouse talk freely, and without you offering your opinion. Listen carefully to what they are trying to say. Ask questions. "Why" do they feel a certain way, and "what" do they want to do about it? But don't be impatient and intolerant. Communicate wisely by listening first, and then negotiating if you feel differently than they do. When you think they are done expressing themselves, ask them first if they are done talking before you start telling your side of things.
A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.
(Proverbs 19:11 NIV)
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