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Happy Married Life Or Divorce?
by Samuel Junoi
12/04/2015 / Marriage
Letter To Wives And Husbands
I wrote this letter based on what I thought was good: God nudging my heart to have it written. Here on earth, God has chosen to make up a good family out of every family. Most times, we don't just appreciate his good plans but try settle for our own ways in marriage, not caring about the big plans he has for our family.
A family oft go through these processes:
1. Birth of a child.
2. He/she grows to be a healthy man/woman ready for marriage.
3. We find good life partner for him/her who will be with him/her until the last breathe.
4. If they encounter quarrels among themselves, we try to settle it so this pact between them remains strong and continually grow to stand whatever comes against it in the future.
Most may not be as healthy as that but guess what? If they don't have a good life partner, there usually may be some things like these:
1. After they get married, they mayn't be so close again like those times they played the love game.
2. They may quarrel many times with each other, disrespect each other's feelings and even settle for divorce.
That's unimpressive! It makes God unhappy because such wonderful treasure given to you may not be cherished. Your marriage is the big gift he's given you and if you look at it like something dreary, you are bound to have a fight or divorce with your husband or wife. God never intended that a man and his wife should divorce. He knew the joy and happiness in that relationship and wants them to enjoy it. Divorce makes things worse, destroys relationships and even create hatred between families, brothers and sisters and many others because of the wide disagreements which rises during such moments.
On whose side is the fault when we think of divorce?
I know families who keep arguing amongst themselves about whose side the fault is. I know the pain involved but who gets to think of the pain? The question every time shouldn't be the talk about 'whose fault?' but praying for ways to save the relationship. Fault-finding, blames on each other would make things worse and even result to the final part of breaking the relationship. Whose fault is it? The truth is the fault is on both sides when we keep asking that question. You shouldn't be so concerned about each other's faults compare to the way we seek God's intervention in saving the relationship. And even if you are concerned about each other's faults, it would be for a good reason: to help each other see true love beyond the faults you make.
In every christian marriage, the thought which should never come to mind is divorce. Suggesting such a thing may mean you both never loved each other. You're just together out of a coincidence or an accident and it may be an arranged marriage not done willfully. However, as a married christian, you have got challenges on your side. You're arranging a divorce forgetting you've got kids to take care of, who yearn for someone whom they may call 'papa or mama' and even if you've got none, don't you think divorcing one another isn't a good option? How does it make you look before God? What about the future and the pain involved? What about the children who may keep asking, Mom, where's/who's my dad? Will you be able to bear the consequences of what the future holds? If you decide to remarry after devorcing your wonderful husband, have you forgotten you're caught in adultery? And if you marry again, what will happen if the kids find out the truth about their real dad? If such incident cause you to break your relationship with your family, friends so they won't put a finger in it or help the situation, do you know the treasure you lose?
The reason why many seem to divorce their husband or wife is because there is no love and trust between them. Truth says it that it's better never to marry than to be divorced. I agree with that! Check yourself and ask: why is this marriage about to end in a divorce? Have I failed to play my role in any way? Have I spoken to my husband or wife in any offensive manner? Have I lived a life not worthy of the way Christ wants me to live so his love may also be part of my lifestyle? Is my husband or wife seeing his love in me?
Your Roles - Husband
Remember this: You may never know the value of what you have until you lose it. So it's better to know the value of your husband or wife no matter how good or bad they are.
Love your wife with all your heart, then there will be true friendship in your marriage, more laughter, joy and happiness, longing to be with each other.
Don't withdraw your body from your wife for the bible also encourages that you submit your bodies to each other (1 Cor. 7:3-5): The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights (goodwill, kindness, and what is due her as his wife), and likewise the wife to her husband. 4For the wife does not have [exclusive] authority and control over her own body, but the husband [has his rights]; likewise also the husband does not have [exclusive] authority and control over his body, but the wife [has her rights]. 5Do not refuse and deprive and defraud each other [of your due marital rights], except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves unhindered to prayer. But afterwards resume marital relations, lest Satan tempt you [to sin] through your lack of restraint of sexual desire. And that's true of the wife too. It's true that if the man deprives his wife of his body, it usually may lead to a quarrel. However, it may be a senseless reason.
3. The husband should always remember his wife in everything especially things that concern her most.
4. You should remember you aren't a fancy hubby but a Godgiven husband who's to serve as an encouragement to his wife at all times.
Your roles - wives
You're there to play a big role. You've been learning these for years when you're aware and when you're not:
'submission' to authority (husband); respect and real love which ought to exist between man and wife; how you ought to talk to your husband; the way you need to gently present matters to him; the way you ought to take good care of your children and your husband, and also help them on the godly path; dealing with your interactions between yourself and your neighbors or relatives; respecting your boundary as a wife; how you ought to spend money and the way you need to manage your home, and many more. You don't know how good this may seem but you can be sure that your family, marriage, or home is the exact place where you can begin knowing yourself as you really are.
Spend most of your time growing close to your husband. Love him with all your heart, then there will be true friendship in your marriage, more laughter, joy and happiness, longing to be with each other.
Submitting to him at all times both in body, finance, monthly earnings and others but if he insists that he can't handle everything alone, then say a YES to him. Two heads are better than one. That's why you're his helper to be available to him at all times.
Hide nothing from him. When you do, you are making a mistake.
Submit your body to him just as he submits his to you.
Handling Tough Or Simple Situations
Truthfully, some usually think a tough problem, which is just too disgraceful should require DIVORCE but I will say they are wrong. The way we apply divine wisdom in small situations is the same way we apply wisdom in tough ones. If you've ever watched the "Married Again" (Punar Vivah) movie, you'll understand what I mean. No matter the tough situation, what matter's most is trusting God to help settle the problems.
But sometimes we are just over reactive and too demanding that what our spouse do for us is just not satisfying. We want him/her to satisfy us 100% before we know he's done something great. It's just not pleasant! In the process where God is trying to rescue us from the error we put ourselves in, we are heaping hotter ones and in the process, we blame him and our partner. Instead of that, why not look beyond the hurt and have God guide you on how to settle the problem.
The summary of this is that you should look beyond the poor nature of your husband or wife, forget about the thought called divorce and see into his or her life as a real and better man or woman. Then you will see the kind of person he really is.
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I am an 18 year old Nigerian who has written ebooks on smashwords and I'm also trusting Jesus to help me write more.
Happy Married Life or Divorce? by Samuel Junoi
Here's my web address: lovestreamoflife.wordpress.com handled by my pseudonym.
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