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Man's Dream of Being God Becomes a Nightmare
by Greg Miller
1/12/2016 / Humor
By Greg Miller 2016
Whether he was awake or asleep, Zach dreamed big.
During the day, Zach was a daydreamer, always wanting to accomplish extraordinary goals. When darkness settled over the village in which he resided, Zach was transformed into Super Dreamer.
On Mondays, Zach dreamed he was an inventor. In his dreams, Zach produced inventions that would make the world a better place in which to live. A pill to eradicate hunger. A vaccination to eliminate all sickness and disease.
On Tuesdays, Zach dreamed he was a fashion designer. All his creations were designed to exalt God.
Wednesday was Zach's dream-free evening. A guardian angel sat on the edge of Zach's bed throughout the night, as the presence of the Sovereign Lord filled the room.
Zach enjoyed his dreams on Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays the most, when he dreamed he was God.
During one of his dreams in which he was God, Zach decided he didn't want to make himself available to billions of people 24 hours a day. "I'm only going to accept prayers eight hours a day," he told the archangel Gabriel. "I'm a busy God, and people are going to have to get used to my new schedule. After all, I deserve some time for myself."
Zach liked the idea of being God, especially concerning worship. "I will mandate that everyone carve an image of me in wood, then worship that image every day," he told Gabriel the archangel.
As God, Zach became tired of listening to people praying in thousands of languages and dialects. "Starting right now, everyone must pray to me in my own language - English!" he declared. In his dream the following night, Zach decided to force everyone to take English classes to learn the required language. "I will accept no excuses for refusal to comply," he told the archangel Michael.
On the topic of sin, Zach felt the real Sovereign Lord was too strict. "If it makes you feel good, it is good," Zach decreed in his new Bible - "Zach-God's Holy Book."
"Zach-God's Holy Book" also contained several other unusual decrees. "You will worship no other god but Zach-God."
"Sin is in, so just be yourself."
"No one will go to hell. Everyone will live forever in heaven with Zach-God."
After a few weeks, God put an end to Zach's dreams. "Your dreams will no longer be used as a tool to dishonor me!" God declared. "Future dreams will only honor me as your true creator! Is that clear?"
"Perfectly clear, sir," said Zach, who had become tired of being God. "For you, being God may be a dream job, but for me it was turning into a nightmare!"
To contact the writer of this column about speaking engagements, including Christian Comedy Fundraising Outreaches, Christian Creativity Seminars and/or puppet ministry, please email [email protected] or [email protected]
By Greg Miller 2018
Greg is retired from the Elizabethton STAR Newspaper, after working there for almost 23 years. He now freelances for the paper. Contact email address is [email protected], also facebook.com/kidcool4jesus. Available for speaking engagements/other ministries. Jesus is Lord
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