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In His Mind

by Larry Carter  
8/10/2007 / Christian Living

I'd like you to imagine the story I am about to tell you as if it were your own. Listen carefully.


It was Sunday afternoon, and church had just been dismissed. Pastor Henry had just preached a very revealing message that was quite convicting to me. I had never really paid much attention in church; the only thing paid was my weekly tithe. But I was thoroughly convinced that sermons were only for those seeking conviction, and I, of course, was not. I mean, why would I seek a feeling that causes you to mingle at one point in your mind and allow change in and out? I wasn't very fond of the mere thought of it. But today, I was not only convicted to mingle; I was convicted to stay.

Pastor Henry had expounded upon us a challenge, a challenge to search our minds and destroy that which was not holy and just in the eyes of the Lord. It seemed like a very simple message at the time. But I knew very little of the journey ahead of me.

I strolled through a few parks and admired the playful children as I returned home that day. Approaching my house, I felt uneasy inside, but my will not overpowered to enter. I reached into my pocket and grabbed my keychain. I had found the key that opened the white and black house that I had bought off of a generous family some years back. As I opened the door, my Bible came loose from my underarm and fell onto the ground. I hurriedly scooped up the contents of it and looked up. My door, wide open, revealed a very peculiar picture to me that observably was not the inside of my house. The open door uncovered a hallway, just one hallway. In addition, at the extreme end of this hallway, there lay a door, but why only a single door? Cautiously I entered, hoping that, possibly, this was all just an act of trickery or surprise. When none proceeded to announce 'surprise' or reveal slight snickers, my breath drew cold, but I was so curious to see behind the door. Maybe it is, but, it can't be. I gathered myself and approached the door. It was covered in scratches and scars, as if it had been torn apart by an ugly monster. But in the center of this door, there showed a golden heart. It shimmered brighter than anything that I had ever dreamed of seeing. I must see what is behind this door. I turned the rusty handle and opened the door.

A bright light emitted itself through the small crack that I had opened. I pushed the door open, and around me there was nothing but the essence of light. I stepped into the door daringly excited of this discovery. I walked into bright nothingness for a few steps and looked around; but suddenly, I fell as if I were in an eternal pit of doom. My stomach rose into my throat, and I screamed until I thought my vocal chords were bleeding. But no sound was made. I finally landed on something, but the light had gone. I was now encased in a mass of darkness. It was so overwhelming that I thought I was crying, but touch and sound had apparently been snuffed out in this void also. Giving up was about the only thing flickering in my mind, but suddenly, another light flickered on. It was a small light, almost like a television screen in the distance. It floated there, and I was wary to approach, but I had to. As I drew nearer, the picture on the floating screen became clearer, almost familiar. The screen revealed dirty, lewd, indecent images. These images were familiar to me in that they were the images I had viewed day in and day out in my office. I was not completely sure what was happening. As I reached my finger toward the 'X' button on the screen, the light was snuffed out and taken away.

Confused and disoriented, I turned around to see a door frame. Now the door frame was made visible only by the dim light that shone through the cracks. I ran and reached for the handle. There was no handle, but it did swing open. I lunged into the door, and the door opened another place, a familiar scene again. It was Dan's Drink, the bar that had filled my nights with so much temporary pleasure. I reached for the door to which I had just entered, but it wouldn't budge. It wouldn't move at all, so I sat down, not knowing of the circumstances to which I was in. My buddy, whom I drank with frequently, was sitting at his usual spot, but his back was turned and I could not see his face. I walked; it might have even been called tip-toed, over to him. My feet felt like sludge against the floor with every step that I took. I place my hand on his dusty shoulder, and he spun his chair to face me. The sight that I perceived could never be described in words. His eyes were as dark as night, almost like staring into a void, but with the effect of sucking the life out of you after every bleeding second you stared. I was taken back from shock, and ran as fast as I could toward the door again, it opened this time to reveal another scene.

The setting was blinding, and it took my eyes a second to adjust before the picture could become clear. The sight I beheld was a teenager that was vaguely familiar. He was sitting at a table in what seemed like a night gown. He wasn't wearing a nightgown, they were hospital patient scrubs. His eyes were black and bruised; the left of his mouth drooped to the side in an almost irritating manner. He was a complete mess. A nurse was sitting across this table with him; she held a notepad in her hand. "Now tell me exactly what happened, Eric," she calmly spoke. Eric lifted his head, and I don't think that they were able to see me at all, but I was eager to hear his story.
"I was walking home from a friend's. They told me not to go alone, but I insisted. A man came out of a tavern drunk as you could ever know. He cussed and swore at me. He stretched his hand toward me, and I cautiously stretched out mine." Eric's eyes pointed directly at me, and I could feel my spine tingle. "He grabbed my hand and smashed his beer bottle over my head. I fell down, and that's all I can remember."

Suddenly, my memory became clear. That man that hurt that young boy; that man that crushed that poor soul; that was me! I had done all of these things. My sin was revealing itself to me, and it almost seemed like I was trapped inside of my own mind. My cry became clear now; I could hear myself crying so hard, and my vision began spinning as my eyes were closed. My mind was so ready to be clean, to be purified.

My eyes were opened, but not completely. The light that was being emitted was brighter than any light I had seen before in my life. And at that instant, I knew that it was God Himself standing before me. I fell to my knees and cried, "God, forgive me! I was wrong; I was wrong! Purify me Lord!" I fainted.

My sight was restored and my mind was healed as I woke in my bed. I laid it all down for Him, and Pastor Henry would have been so proud. I propped myself up onto the wall lying in bed. With tears streaming down my face, I gazed into the rising sun and I prayed, "Lord, my mind is clean and purified. Help me to keep it that way."

And my mind was closed as the end of a book.

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