Was Noah Ever In Such Hot Water?
by James Snyder 8/17/2007 / Humor
I was pensively looking out the sliding glass door as the rain pelted against the glass. I could not help wondering when all the rain would stop. Abruptly, I was brought back to reality by the cooing voice of the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage.
"Who are you looking for, Noah?"
"No," I said before thinking, "I'm wondering how Noah put up with all of Mrs. Noah's questions during the flood."
Oops! Did I say that aloud?
I'm not quite sure what happened next but there was some mention about somewhere where the sun doesn't shine. I can't be sure because I was in too much of a tizzy at the time to follow her exact words. Of course, at the time there were more words than I could follow on my best day.
This, as you may imagine, did not endear me to her at that time.
Some people speak before thinking, other people never think at all and yet still feel they have something to say. I fall under the second category. I once tried to think before speaking but I could not stand all that silence.
Had I been thinking I could have said something like this: "No, my dear. I'm thinking that all this rain could never cause any flower in our backyard to bloom any prettier then you are right now." Then I could have flashed a smile and threw her a kiss and all would have been well with the world, at least my world.
Whether she would have bought it is beside the point. What the point is, I could have given it some thought and come up with something better. Anything would have been better than what I did say. Even silence would have been better.
There are times when I wish life were like a video camera. When something comes out wrong, we would simply rewind and do it over. I'm all for "do-over." Actually, my whole life would be a constant "do-over." I'm not sure I would ever get it right, especially when it comes to my wife.
Whoever said practice makes perfect has never met Yours Truly.
I've often wondered why God didn't design our mouth a little different than it is. Like not being able to open the mouth until the brain is in full running speed. I'm always running my mouth while my brain is indulging in a nonworking moment. Just to get back at my brain I eat my ice cream so fast I get brain freeze. I may have done that one time too many. Many have been the time when my brain has given me the cold shoulder.
I look forward to the time when my mouth and brain are fully synchronized.
While I'm on the subject, how in the world did good old Noah survive in that boat for all that time? He had the stench on one hand and the chatter on the other. I'm not sure which is worse. Pollution for both ears and nose! Then of course he had his children on board and as soon as God shut the door, the first question surfaced. "Are we there yet?"
Perhaps the most frustrating thing about Noah in his boat, he didn't have a paddle. I'm sure it would have gotten plenty of use. And, for a variety of purposes, or at least some I can think of.
How did Noah and his family put up with rain every day for 40 days and 40 nights?
Maybe they were not like so many of us today. We want something and then when we get it we really don't want it. Or, we want something so bad that we spend all our energy on it and then when we get it we don't have any energy to enjoy it.
When there is a dry spell, we complain and complain and wish for and pray for rain. Even those unaccustomed to the practice of prayer have occasion to address the Almighty.
Then, in due time, the rains come. What do we do then?
We complain, of course, that the rain is ruining our plans for the weekend. "When will this rain stop," we complain.
Few of us stop to think about what we are saying. Our mouth goes into action before our brain gets started. It is then we are apt to say something that is most ridiculous that we will regret.
If our brain were working, we would pause and thank God for the rain, which we so desperately prayed. After all, God is the one who brings the rain. And if we really knew God, we would discover that he loves to answer prayer.
Jesus addressed this very thing when he said, "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened." (Matthew 7:7-8 KJV).
Instead of looking pensively at our circumstances we should do with the Scripture says.
"Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 12:2 KJV).
If I'm looking in the right direction I'm going to get the right answer.
James L. Snyder is an award winning author and popular columnist living with his wife, Martha, in Ocala, Florida and can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.