Doubt and Unbelief Can Harm Your Marriage But God Gives the Victory! Free Reprint Article

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Doubt and Unbelief Can Harm Your Marriage But God Gives the Victory!

by Tonja Taylor
6/05/2021 / Marriage

I'd been married (not the first time) for over 15 years, when the LORD revealed to me that what I call "wrongholds" of doubt and unbelief had been poisoning my marriage.

These snake-heads would rise and bite and try to make me unthankful. There were a few times I'd forget the many wonderful things my husband was and did, and it would be hard to remember the good times. Through the years, I learned to ask the Holy Spirit to help me remember and say out loud things I was thankful for about my husband.

Why did this keep happening? It seemed that--as I sometimes enjoyed telling him, when I was angry--that just as my trust in him was getting to where it should be, something would happen that would violate that trust (at least in my mind), and I'd feel like we were starting all over again.

It was a wearying thing--and that is one of the devil's tricks; to wear out the saints (believers), as the Word states in Daniel 7:25.

It made perfect sense! I knew I loved my husband, but there were times when I'd get so angry--about him pressuring me about finances, and other things-- and just start scorning him in my mind (and sometimes to his face, because I was hurting so much, and I wanted him to hurt too. I'd be defensive, forgetting that I was supposed to trust the LORD to take care of issues), and losing respect--and remembering everything he'd ever done or said, it seemed, that hurt me.

Our God Who is God has many names. He is three parts (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit), but One God. His facets, however, are innumerable! I have often called upon Jehovah Nissi--the LORD our Victorious Miracle Banner (Whose banner over us is Love!) to defend me and fight my battles in this marriage. He is faithful forever to smite my enemies and help me do my part!

I have also called up Jehovah Rapha, the LORD Who heals me. He has performed miraculous healing in my heart and soul, and body as well.

I have called often upon Jehovah Shalom, my Prince of Peace, Who is making me whole in every dimension.

I have also called upon Jehovah Tsidkenu, the LORD my Righteousness, to proclaim my righteousness to my husband and others; to be my Glory and the Lifter of my head--in my marriage and beyond.

In addition, I have called upon Jehovah Mekadishkhem, the LORD Who cleanses, sanctifies, purifies, and restores me. Amen! He has had a LOT of work to do in my life, but He is faithfully doing it--revealing the rubble and helping me to remove it, so He can rebuild my walls and foundations with sapphires and precious stones (Nehemiah)! GLORY!

One thing I've learned is that no one has power over us unless we give it to them.The secret to success here is to get rid of the wrong roots, so there's no strings for the enemy to pull, nor buttons for him to push, that are attached to emotions!

How am I supposed to truly love him without becoming vulnerable and emotionally involved? I'd wonder, as I shouted to the LORD in my heart. I should be able to trust him, no matter what! Isn't that what a Covenant marriage is? If he's broken vows, how can I trust him with other things? LORD, I want You to make my heart so whatever he does or doesn't do will never hurt me again!

I'd tried talking a bit to mature women in my church, but they didn't really want to hear the details. That was probably good, overall. We are not supposed to repeat past disappointments (Isaiah 43:18). Yet, when I'd get hurt from whatever my husband did or said, that's often what I'd do--either to him, or to myself and God.

So that was more doubt and unbelief--where I felt I could not trust those in my church family. Not good.

The enemy loves to make us feel alone, when we really aren't. He uses hurts to distort the truth, and distract and blind us to what God is really doing, and wants to do.

Sometimes, I'd feel desperate for someone to pray with me about these things. I would long to talk to someone in the church in whom I really thought I could confide, who would not tell others. (I'd tried that before, and it was amazing how many people would know specifics about my life that should have never be shared with others! I don't think they were all praying God's best for me either, but I forgive!). Anyway, I'd call ministries we supported where people didn't know me, or email them. Usually, I'd get replies, and I knew they really were praying for me and my healing and the healing of my husband and marriage.

Praise the LORD!

I would talk to the LORD, and bless Him, He's heard a lot of complaining from me. I would ask Him to intervene and "counsel and comfort and convict" my husband, most of the time. Sometimes I just asked the LORD to give him a rude awakening!

I wanted to stop this, and only focus on the good. Most of the time, I was very positive and joyful, although it had taken decades to get to this point. So I knew that God loves righteousness and hates wickedness, and also is the One Who heals our hearts. He commands us to forgive. I had to have abundant grace to keep on forgiving my husband.

Isn't he supposed to represent Christ? I'd reason. There is much good, but what about this and this and this? Those things are not measuring up!

Men had been on my bad list for a long time, although I knew in my heart that it was God's Plan for me to marry the man He sent, to accomplish the fullness of His Plan for me.

I knew that this marriage was born of God, and thus did and would overcome the world.

…3 For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome, because everyone born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world: our faith. 5Who then overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.…I John 5:3-5, Berean Study Bible ·

Sometimes, that was all I felt I had to cling to, because sometimes, I could imagine how I would rather be single (as I had been for about 7 years, as a single divorced mom of a young child)!

Feelings, however, are not faith. Thank God! They can have a huge impact on our faith, though, and that is one of the devil's best tricks--to use negative emotions to make us doubt or just flat not believe the love and devotion of God, and especially of our spouses!

Then the doubt and unbelief can turn into scorn, bitterness, or worse.

(Just a disclaimer here: With all the trouble I have experienced in my marriage, I have had NO desire to fool around with another man! No way! I simply wanted to get as far away from my husband and every other man on the planet, and be with Jesus (the ONLY perfect husband!), on a mountain top somewhere (with strong internet and a Wal-Mart close by, of course! LOL!))

Although I loved my husband very much, and did have great respect and admiration for him in many ways, when he would do something that really hurt me--not that he was trying to, which is often misunderstood in many marriages--I would get angry and indignant. I felt rejected, scorned, misunderstood, and more.

The enemy would use those negative emotions to cause me to doubt and not belief that my husband was telling the truth when he'd say he loved me. I would get a scornful attitude, and sometimes, when we'd discuss things, they would turn into confrontations, especially if I felt his motivations weren't pure, or worse.

Even though this man was in the Word every day, going to church with me and serving, and rising early to pray; not to mention having gone through three full years of Bible school and stopping just short of being ordained; even though he'd repented to me for many things, and I knew he meant it (or at least some of it, I'd reason.....but which part?), there were still doubts.

I was frustrated and angry because I was measuring his actions against all this other stuff, and there seemed to be quite a bit of hypocrisy.

So I'd ask the LORD to reveal to me things, and part of the revelation was that I had a wrong perspective because of hurts that went way back in my past, even with my parents. In addition, some of these things have been generational curses.

He did, and helped me start changing them. I really wanted to be the best wife for my husband that I could, to the glory of God. I would pray many prayers from prayer books, and sometimes, it was just, "LORD, help me truly forgive him and forget these things--and help him not to repeat them!"

Now, there were many things my husband had to change (and me too), in order to really start becoming the man I KNEW my Father God had sent me.

At the same time, especially in the past couple years, my beloved (which is truly what I call him and the way I think of him, except during those devil-inspired moments when I could only seem to think of the negatives!) had been rising early to pray, was in the Word every day, going to church with me, listening to preaching, etc. He served faithfully on the praise and worship team and otherwise in the church, even working hard physically to weedeat the new land and move heavy rocks, etc.

He really was and is dependable, consistent, clean, organized, helpful, considerate, thoughtful, warm, kind, devoted to God and me, and more. He was purposely sowing the Word into himself daily, and repenting as the LORD led. He had other dependable qualities.

He had changed an enormous amount, really, since we'd married. Praise the LORD!

So the LORD helped me realize more wrong roots from the past, and my beloved (who'd learned the wisdom of this through the years, although he'd at first resented it and just considered it all my problem) listened and prayed with me, now realizing that, instead of him feeling attacked personally when I would mention something that bothered me, I was confessing and partnering with him to take authority over the roots that were wrong, and asking the LORD to destroy them and deliver me from wrong thinking.

Often, he'd get convicted too, and would repent to me. It took a few years to realize he really was sincere in his repentance. Doubt and unbelief would try to rob my faith that he was telling the truth. Then again, the LORD had to remind me (and I repented to my husband) for every time I had been insincere.

What is the balance between being nice and tactful, and lying? I'd often wonder. That's another place we have to trust the LORD; to guide us in right thinking and speaking in every situation; for Him to put His grace all over everything. He will, when we ask and yield to Him!

So, gradually, we have recognized and rooted out (with the LORD's mercy, faithfulness, wisdom, and grace) the wrong roots that have held us back. This includes doubt and unbelief on both of our parts--toward God, and toward each other, and even ministers in our church.

We have repented for agreeing with the lies of the enemy, who accuses the people of God day and night (Rev. 12:10), and we praise the Spirit of Truth, the Holy Spirit, Who leads us into all truth: "Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come." --John 16:13, KJV

We are thankful to be married, and bless each other with Scriptures daily, before we part to go to work. We also proclaim Scriptures over our marriage, daily.

We also know to bind fear (which is entangled with the spirits of doubt and unbelief) in the Name of Jesus, Who did not give us fear, but power, love, and a sound (peaceful, self-disiciplined) mind as the Word says in 2 Timothy 1:7:

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.

Here are some you can get started with, such as:

Deuteronomy 11:21:That your days may be multiplied, and the days of your children, in the land which the Lord sware unto your fathers to give them, as the days of heaven upon the earth;

Ephesians 2:10 and 3:20, Proverbs 10:22, Psalm 126:3, Galatians 3:13-14, and more. Ask the LORD to guide you to Scriptures to speak over your marriage. He will! He created the institution of marriage and family even before He created the church. Godly marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church.

He will give you grace to forgive and will encourage your heart. He will give you fresh breath, and help heal your heart from rejection, discouragement, fear, doubt, unbelief, anger, bitterness, and everything else not of Him. He will give you grace to persist and endure, and most of all, to draw closer to Him. He will hide you in the secret place with Him (Psalm 91).

The LORD is faithful. He is for you and your husband, and He is for your marriage. He will heal and help it as you let Him. You can do this!

Tonja and her husband live to exalt God. They lift Him up in books (P.O.W.E.R. Girl!; LEGACY; Visions of the King; Your Holy Health; more); presentations; service in church, community, and the world; and via the "River Rain Creative" (309 videos) and "POWERLight Learning" You Tube channels.

Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com-CHRISTIAN WRITERS

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