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How Do I Forgive My Spouse After Adultery?

by Angie Lewis  
11/12/2007 / Marriage

Has your spouse committed adultery and now you don't trust them anymore? Do you feel betrayed and abused by someone you thought loved you? Do you just want to get them back by throwing stones at them every chance you get? Do you find it hard to forgive your spouse? Then this article is for you.

All of the things I described above are emotions that we feel when a spouse has committed adultery and are perfectly validated by anyone's standpoint. If we did not have feelings such as these then I would think the marriage would be heading for more trouble than just adultery. So it is normal to feel victimized and hurt when a spouse commits infidelity.

But, it is not normal for these feelings to hang around for longer than six months if a spouse has repented of their infidelity and is asking for forgiveness. If you are harboring resentment and ill will towards your spouse after six months, I have to ask why are you not growing out from this issue and moving on with your marriage? Most likely the answer is because you have a hard time forgiving and simply do not trust your spouse any longer.

Before we can actually start rebuilding broken trust we first have to forgive. Forgiving your spouse is harder than trusting your spouse, but you cannot trust until you exonerate your spouse from such a sin. That happens through the workings of Christ in you. Jesus has taught us what forgiveness is and how to forgive and that is our foundation to work off of.

In the scripture where the woman was caught in adultery, why do you think Jesus asked the crowd who were getting ready to throw stones at her, that those who were without sin to cast the first stone? Jesus already knew they were all sinners and no one could throw the first stone! No one could stone the adulterous woman because we all fall short of perfection because we're human! He was teaching them to be compassionate and forgiving.

I'm certainly not defending infidelity but it does not mean that a wayward spouse cannot change and turn their life around either. Reality is, people err, they sin and make mistakes and do things that are not appropriate behavior but most people can learn from those mistakes and become better marriage partners because of it.

Then what did Jesus say to the woman? He told her that no one condemned her, and for her to turn her life around and sin no more. Jesus forgave her right then and there. She didn't have to ask for forgiveness because Jesus already knew in her heart that she was sorry for committing adultery. End of story.

And that is our example to follow. We are to do what is right rather than what feels good. It feels good to keep throwing stones at our spouse because we're angry and hurting so bad, but choosing to forgive is doing the right thing. So to help us forgive, we have to ask Jesus to heal our heart and mind from the pain we are feeling, and to give us peace of mind. This is the only way we can truly forgive our spouse.

"Woman, where are those thine accusers?" Hath no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, "Neither do I condemn thee": go, and sin no more. (John 8:10 KJV)

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