A Unbareable Conscience
by TJ Nickel 1/09/2008 / Short Stories
Seems I been embareassed so many times that I done turned into one big embareassment. Didn't think it quite possible, a person becoming a thing, but parently in all my ignerance I was wrong. Happened on account a my speriences, I spose. Spose all them moments turn into a somethin, n get so big they become a someone. Don't feel no pity for me tho, I done reconciled myself to it. The world today seems to hate them embareassin moments. People everywhere seem to run off doin all sorts a stuff without a conscience. I'm reconciled to havin myself a unbareable conscience. So much so, I done learned to spell that word real good.
My grammar ain't the best. I'm sure ya done noticed that by now, but there's a tickular reason for that. See, I done gave up on that schooling peoples go to all the time. Was years ago
I done learned about that Columbus feller - how he turned a embareassment into a great thing, landing at the wrong place n all. I learned he made a great discovery - this land here called America. He was very fortunate cuz there was just some backward folk runnin round half-naked like they was beasts or somethin - n was a good thing dear Columbus showed up to teach em new things. Then, them beasts turned on good ol Christofer n his fellers n many've em died. Bein the good people we Americans are, we set em aside for their own protekshun in these little places where they won't cause no one no harm. That's the way I dun learned it n I thot, well be, God's creating new stuff all the time n givin things like whole countries to them people brave enuf to cross oceans for him. Them teachers smiled at God's hand in it all, so I sposed they done believed in him too.
Few years laters, I done learned I had it all wrong back then. America was a name given to a land that done already existed, n that Columbus feller n his friends were just boldened through their kemical makeup to progress mankind, helpin the beasts to be like people's spose to be. Said its all about the strong ones, n them beasts were so weak that little invisible germ things is what killed more've em than rifles. Seemed God was just some name given to the whole process, kinda like America, n I just got irate that I been tricked. They done took me for a fool once, n I wasn't so sure they wasn't takin' me for a fool now. I done membered my stories bout that man on a cross that died through sufferin to heal people's sufferin. I didn't see no fit-survival theeries in him. So, I done left that buildin n went straight to church. Never did return to schools on account a religion.
After a year a being schooled in church, it done happened to me once again. Preacher Joe passed out a bumper sticker for us Kristchens - it had a picture with a fish eatin Superman. I'd no idea what this meant, but done sat down cited. Seems some guy with a nitchy for filosofy said that peoples would keep gettin stronger - just like they teach in school - til they come Supermen. Pastor Joe said Jesus was the fish, n at end-times he'll come back to eat the Supermen. Said they'd get the pleasure a being right bout how things worked, but they'd be the unfit ones in the end.
I couldn't reconcile this sermon none neither, n thot Jesus was one that fed fish to the people, n tho he said a few lines bout people eating him, didn't think he was the cannable type. I'd done left school for church, n now, I was embareassed once again.
That there was years go. Never done turned back to neither. Stead, went n found me a Indian reservashun. Been workin n livin here since, a embareassin stain on them Columbus-fellers n the church folk. Sometimes, they the same folk. I know cuz I done seen lots've em drive off with Pastor Joe's bumper sticker waving me goodbye after I dealt em cards n drinks for a couple a hours. Spose this is where I belong tho. Them embareassin moments pile so high, ya reconcile to em, specially when ya got a unbareable conscience.