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Milton's Fair Fiancee

by Karen Wilber  
2/25/2008 / Humor

Milton Spilk was in love. He thought he must be the most blessed man on the face of God's green earth. The woman who graced his arm was considered the town beauty, too good for the likes of Milton.

Nevertheless, he took her to the State Fair that day. They strolled through sunlit crowds whose faces reflected admiration for the handsome couple. Milton proposed. She accepted. He saw no impediment to a lifetime of wedded bliss.

Until they stopped by the diving tank of Uncle Milo's Incredible Flying Sheep. Uncle Milo had trained several ewes to do what many thought impossible. Each one, in turn, climbed a series of platforms to arrive at a high diving board. At a predetermined signal, the ewe ran down the board and jumped into the air, leaping into a downward arc which ended in a large swimming tank.

With eyes only for each other, Milton and fiancee stood a little too close to the tank. When the plummeting sheep impacted the water at high speed, a large wave of wooly liquid crested the tank and drenched them completely.

Though in shock, Milton found himself laughing at their escapade. His heart was already full of joy. What was a little water on such a glorious day? His fiancee looked down at her ruined dress and shrieked.

"Never you mind, my darling," Milton spoke, "Let's get you a towel."

"Oh Milt," she cried, "The day is ruined. Look at my dress. My hair."

Milton offered to take her to town that instant and purchase ten new dresses.

She stamped her foot. "I've never been so humiliated in all my life. How can you be so cheerful? I'm going to sue Uncle Milo for every cent he's got."

"But honeybunch, I love you. Let's go back into town, buy those new dresses, get your hair done, and go out on the town tonight to celebrate our engagement."

"The engagement's off," she spat back as she wrenched off the ring and threw it at his feet. "And I never want to see you again as long as I live."

And she didn't. Milton discovered later that she lost her lawsuit and left town. Her unforgiving heart ravaged her fabled beauty.

Time mended Milton's wounds and one day he met another lovely lass. As they courted, Milton realized that she possessed a more gentle nature. What she lacked in grace and beauty, she made up for with a joyful countenance and a laugh that tickled his ears.

He took her home to meet his family. Ed and Sylvia Spilk were delighted that their son had finally found his perfect match. The Spilk sisters rejoiced that their brother had fallen head over heels in love with a woman of an equally jolly disposition.

State Fair time arrived and Milton once more took the girl of his dreams to wander through sunlit crowds. This time, however, he avoided the sheep tank and started with the Midway. Milton proposed to her when their car stopped at the top of the ferris wheel.

Far below them, a couple of old men sat on a bench observing the proceedings and discussing the uncanny resemblance of this present day with the unpleasant outcome of last year.

"Look at Milt up there," remarked one old-timer, "Ain't this just like that day when his former fiancee left him? How can he be so carefree?"

"Oh, that's simple," replied his sage companion, "You see, there's no ewes flying over Milt Spilk."

(c) 2012 Karen Wilber

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