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Hidden Agenda

by Patricia Charlton  
2/27/2008 / Marriage

After thirty-three years of wedded bliss, the light dawns on a new day of enlightenment. Apparently, with my marriage contract, I inherited a highly favored position. It didn't come with a new car or a fancy business card. There was no power lunches, no business suits, or conference calls. It came without all the perks of a Wall Street financial wizard. The hidden agenda and fine print to this highly favored working contract encompassed every area of my new relationship with my husband. Our future happiness depended on my understanding and accepting this responsible position.

After twenty years of frustration, bitterness, and unfulfilled expectations, the weight of this hidden agenda crashed down upon my wedded bliss. My ignorance of this responsible position clouded my vision of marital happiness. Ignorance isn't bliss in any relationship. Peace on earth and good will to all men and women requires an understanding of your mates hidden agendas and lofty expectations.

When you and I enter into any relationship without stating our expectations of another, your mate suffers from their unfulfilled desires. Ignorance caused many an argument or sleepless night. Many a harsh word damaged the romantic moments. How do you and I enlighten our mates to their hidden agenda?

Try humor! Even though it took many years for me to laugh about my blunders I understand that if anything goes wrong in this household, "I'm responsible." We laugh about it now. But there were many years of anger, hurt, and sleepless night. His hidden agenda eroded my contentment and fractured my future happiness.

Try organization! My husband couldn't fine his tools if his life depended upon it. He tries. But organization is not one of his best attributes. He loses bills, tools, clothing and just about everything. With our future happiness in mind, I return all tools to their proper spaces. All manuals and important bills are filed neatly away in my office desk. Sooner or later, in the middle of making dinner, I hear this, "Honey, where is my .?" With the smoke detector screeching and a cat clawing my pant leg, I dash down the stairs to retrieve the item in question. There is never a dull moment in our household. With his short-term memory loss each question needs an answer that very moment. My husband's mind operates differently than mine. At that very moment my responsibility is dinner not fetching a tool not according to my mate. The head on collision with our hidden agendas clashes with our future happiness.

Try acceptance. Short-term memory loss is difficult for anyone. I can't change my mate. Only Jesus Christ can enhance another's memory. Love is more than a warm feeling. Sustaining the peaceful relationship in any marriage requires that you and I uncloak our hidden agendas and lofty expectations. Grace and love clouds the shotcomings of others.
Only the love of God living in our hearts overflows into the frustrating moments.

Copyright 2008 Patricia Charlton

Devotional writer for EzraWeb and a contributing columnist for Crossmap, Patricia shares her experiences with the power of God to make anyone more than a conqueror. Her passion is Jesus and her venue is writing. Contact Patricia: [email protected]

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