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Bullies, Fear and Faith

by Nancy Quinn  
2/28/2008 / Parenting

Fear gripped my heart like a vice and I couldn't breathe when my ten year old son came home and said he was picked on again, and this time the boy threatened to stab him. We had read books and looked on the internet for tips on how to handle bullies and my son tried everything. I had a greater fear because he was threatening to use common school supplies like a pencil and scissors to hurt my son. Calling the local police department for advice, I was told because of the age they couldn't do anything about the threats unless the boy actually comes after him. I spoke with the teacher and requested my son be moved to another class. She discouraged that because then she couldn't keep an eye on the other boy around my son. The threats escalated and the principal kept trying to pacify my fears by saying he had spoken with him to stay away from my son, and besides, they would never allow him in school if he were truly dangerous. The teacher however, diplomatically told me to do what I needed to do as I talked to her one day in tears. She reassured me that she was keeping a very close eye on the boy. Reading between the lines, I knew there were things she couldn't tell me about this child.

A mother's instincts are not wrong often and my instincts told me this child was potentially dangerous. The school district was absolutely massive and the principal kept giving me reassurances. Despite their reassurances, my son would come home and say the boy would sneak in line behind him and whisper continued threats at him. Frustrated and feeling like a mother bear ready to charge, I called and requested a meeting with the principal. After the meeting with both parents, we had the feeling we didn't get anywhere since the other mother's son was "perfect" and it must be the school's fault for making her son so aggressive. We left the meeting, while the mother was required to stay to continue talking to the principal and school counselor about her son's outbursts and other problems he was having in school.

Lessons I learned:

BULLIES: Both my son and I learned that sometimes all the bully tricks you read about don't work. If someone's personality and behavior is frightening, ANYTHING that is said to try to diffuse the situation may only make things worse and escalate the bully's behavior. Sometimes it's better to not say anything at all and try to ignore the bully and stay as far away as possible.

FEARS: The Lord taught me that it's ok to be afraid and to do what I needed to in order to protect my child. I believe the Lord blessed me with those instincts of fear because that gives me common sense in a situation and keeps my family safe. The Lord kept my child safe while He gave me the wisdom and discernment to handle this frightening situation and I felt His protection blanketing my son. In a massive school district, I learned that it's not good to just sit back and trust the school to keep your child safe. I am my child's advocate, not the public school system. A mother needs to protect her children and do what's best for them. You are your child's best advocate! Don't trust the public school system to know what's best for him or her. Talk to your child after school and KNOW what's going on at your school.

FAITH: This is the most important lesson I learned. The Lord had whispered a reminder to me that I prayed every day for my son's protection, and I needed to trust the Lord to answer my prayers. I felt the Lord's assurance that He was working everything out. My first instinct was to pull him out of school so I could keep him safe. It took incredible spiritual strength for me to drop him off at school every morning fearing for his life. My prayers took on a whole new level, from praying automatically for the same things every morning; to my prayers becoming passionate and more meaningful. I felt strongly that the Lord wanted me to still send him to school while He was working things out for our good and He wanted me to put my total trust in His protection.

Soon after our meeting with the principal, the child was transferred to another school. The Lord's answer to my prayers was to remove the boy from the school. But in the meantime, the Lord showed me I needed to have faith that what I pray about will be answered in His time and His way.

If your child is dealing with a bully at school, the most important thing is to cover your child in prayer every day, and pray for the bully. Above all, trust your instincts. If you feel your child is in physical danger then set up a meeting at the school. Some bullies are the textbook kind. My son's bully had emotional problems and was dangerous. My instincts got reaffirmed that summer from another mother who saw him that summer and heard disturbing things he said and saw him beating up a child on the park's playground.

I release my child into the Lord's hands every day as he goes to school, covered with prayer. In this frightening time in the nation's history as we watch the news and read the papers, isn't it reassuring to know the Lord loves our children even more than we do? A critical job as parents is to be dedicated in prayer for our children. I pray not only for current things for my son, but I pray for the woman he dates or marries will be a godly woman dedicated to purity and faithful to the Lord, his future career choice and that he will grow to be a great man of faith, dedicated to his Saviour Jesus Christ.

James 5:16 "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

Luke 12:7 "Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."

May God bless these words as I strive to encourage others in their walk with Christ. Please contact me if you would like to request a specific lesson that Lucy Mouse can teach your children or if you would like a coloring page to be sent to match the story!

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