by Tessy Fuller
5/21/2008 / Womens Interest
I gazed at the clouds drifting by the window and wondered if I could somehow contain the fluffy apparatus into my pocket. I imagined the face of my curious two-year old daughter as I placed it into her upturned hands. I envisioned that bringing home a cloud in my pocket would somehow make up for the time I would be without her.
As my husband and I prepared for our two week mission trip to Ecuador the "What Ifs" continually plagued my mind. I wrestled with guilt, wondering if I was being selfish? What if something happened to us? What would she do without her parents? Fear threatened to grip my heart. I started to question if I had made the wrong decision to go on this trip. My thoughts were riddled with worries that seemed to be blocking the door God had opened for us.
After spending a lot of time in prayer it dawned on me that this decision was critical on how I would choose to live my life. What kind of legacy did I want to leave behind? Her beautiful brown eyes watch me constantly. Her little mouth imitates my words. Would I want her to live her life in fear of the unknown or let God lead her on a marvelous adventure? As a mother, I knew I had a very important role in setting the tone for this decision.
Before we left, I wrote the following words to her in a letter that I plan to keep and give to her on her graduation day. "I am about ready to leave for Ecuador on a mission trip, which is part of the journey God has lead me on. I am going to miss you so much. I feel compelled to write you this letter to let you know how much you mean to me. I also want you to understand why this decision to go to Ecuador is so important. I love you with every essence of who I am. From the very first movement in my tummy I vowed to be the best mother I could be. In a few months you will be turning two. You're at the stage where you imitate everything. This provides times of laughter and moments of self-reflection as I see myself mirrored in what you say and do. I know through my every action I am setting an example for you to follow, even if I am unaware of it at times. We all have a choice on how to live and I am choosing a life that is uncertain at times, but one that God intended us to have. A life of service to Him. I am going to help others that have much less then we do. We have been blessed with so much and I feel I need to give back. I hope I am giving you the best example to follow and that is to live life to the fullest by seizing divine moments on the journey God lays before you."
Tears flowed down my cheeks as I penned each word. With every tear that fell I knew I had made the right choice. I would not let fear reign in my heart. I would not let divine moments God intended for me to have slip into oblivion. Footprints of faith would be my legacy to her. The years will pass quickly and so will the opportunities to teach her. One day she will leave my home and set out on her own journey. When she gets to this point, I hope I have marked a trail with my life that will inspire her to follow God's direction at every turn.
I am a 28 year old mother of a three year old daughter, Aleigh and one year old twins Ryan and Avery. I have been married to my husband, a youth pastor, for almost seven years. I love being a mom and serving God in our home church where I teach Sunday School for the 2's and 3's class.
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