"If you ain't Dutch, den you ain't much!" Such is the battle cry of the Pennsylvania Dutch.
The Dutch are known for their sense of humor. After searching for a few "Dutch" jokes that I understood well enough to laugh at, I realized that "If you ain't Dutch, they ain't funny much, onest." But I did find a few that were entertaining and enlightening.
Dutchmen are very peculiar about the freshness of their food. They are also very honest. Here is a story that combines freshness and honesty:
Customer: "Say, you wouldn't sell any fish that are not fresh, would you?"
Fish Man: "Of course not. I'd take the word 'fresh' right off my sign."
Honesty is certainly the best policy, but does not always tell the whole truth. "LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill? He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from his heart" (Psalm 15:1, 2).
Two men jumped off the edge of a cliff to their death. When they were found one of the group remarked, "Well, at least they made it to the bottom safe."
There's a bright side to everything. "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things" (Philippians 4:8, KJV).
In a little Pennsylvania townnot too wide-awake and not too worried about the tourists who came and wentan amusing incident is recorded about a stop sign on the edge of a cliff. It seems that a motorist did not see any signs on the road, and plunged headlong into a ravine off the edge of a cliff. Luckily, he was not killed nor hurt too badly, and he had an attorney sue the town fathers. "Why was there no sign there warning travelers of the dangerous cliff and ravine?" said the attorney. "Well now, your honor," said the counselor for the town, "We had a sign up there some years ago and no one ever went over, so we took it down." Moral: Don't go over cliffs unless there is a sign there.
"But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet to warn the people and the sword comes and takes the life of one of them, that man will be taken away because of his sin, but I will hold the watchman accountable for his blood" (Ezekiel 33:6).
The country parson used to preach against the sin of smoking at least once a month, and admonished his councilmen never to be caught smoking. On one of his regular visits to his congregation, he stopped where one of his deacons was smoking out in his barn. When the parson saw his deacon smoking, he started to tell him all about the devil and his sinfulness. "Hold on there now, Reverend," the deacon said, "Didn't you tell us that this here tobacco was the devil's own weed, and that our children and young folks ought not to smoke it?" "Why, yes, that's the truth, it is," said the parson. "Well, you see, Parson, I'm just smoking this stuff up so that those young people won't be tempted with it."
How easy it is to find a reason to indulge in something that we know is not right. We make excuses for wrong behavior and set a bad example. "Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples: 'The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses' seat. So you must obey them and do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach'" (Matthew 23:13).
So, outen the lights awhile and sink on dese tings.
Alan Allegra is a freelance Christian writer in Pennsylvania. Contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org. More articles at Lifestyles Over 50: http://www.lifestylesover50.com/ and the Morning Call: www.mcall.com. Available for writing. LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/alanallegra/
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