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by Lorene Weaver  
6/30/2008 / Health

Talk about your ups and your downs! My life has beat the wildest and largest roller coaster for ups and downs, spirals, and the wildest of rides.
I was born again and I felt horrible that I couldn't shake spells of depression. There were many times when I couldn't pray or talk to anyone. Without prayer, I just sunk deeper into despair. I couldn't even talk to ask anyone for pray. I had a friend whose mailbox was convenient to where I worked. I would leave a note with the word help on it and she would know to pray. This happened many times.
I was seeing a therapist but not making too much ground in the depression department as I was dealing with a more pressing issue, an issue with a time restraint on it. That problem was resolved in about two years. My health was failing. My energy level was non-existent. My job was getting to be far too taxing. I simply didn't have the strength or the heart for it any more. I left on disability. That sent me into major panic and despair. I had been seeing a psychiatrist but had rejected any meds he offered up to that point. One emergency appointment was all it took to get me wanting to suck up as many pills as I could, I wanted the pain to stop. I tried one brand and it seemed to help for a while.
I was seeing a therapist I had known for years. She was helping me but it wasn't easy facing what I needed to face. God was doing surgery on my heart and I started feeling for the first time in years. Feeling heartbreak and emotional pain I had avoided for years
was a horrible struggle. I just didn't seem to get a break - a time of relief - the hours of crying and screaming out to God were numerous. God is so faithful. He saw me through those awful times of reliving my life, starting from birth. For each problem identified and recognized, He showed me the truth. Healing began to take place ever so slowly. After what seemed an eternity, He cut me a break. I so appreciated all He had done. My therapist told me not to get too comfortable for there was a lot more work to be done. I managed to squeeze a few months of staying status quo, but she was right. I was in trouble again. I tried another med. That helped my physical pain and seemed to deal with the depression. I don't know how long I was on it, but I began to have suicidal thoughts again. This time they were stronger than before and they came more frequently. I told the psychiatrist and he took me off the med. I decided then I would not go that way again.
I had to find a better way. I started taking supplements, especially Vitamin D. I take about 2200 mg a day and this winter has been different - better for me. L'Arginine is excellent for the immune system. CoQ10 is good for the heart and cellular function. I also take cod liver oil gel tabs, Vitamin C 2000 mg a day, Vitamin B12, Selenium, Calcium, Alpha Lipoic Acid, Probiotics for the digestive system, Vitamin E, and Niacin. I avoid cortisone of any kind, causes me major depression, and NSAIDS I also need to not take.
In Christian circles healing is talked about a great deal and I have experienced healing myself as well as I have seen them. I find it stressful when others say improper things about my lack of physical healing. I know that God has been healing me spiritually and emotionally and I'd rather have that than a physical healing. My physical pain and disability keep me so connected with God, I would miss that because I know me. If I didn't have such a great need, I would drift away - not intentionally, but just humanly. A healthy inner self is far more important to me. It regulates my attitudes and outlook on everything.
Oswald Chambers in My Utmost for His Highest agrees -
" After we have been perfectly related to God in sanctification, our faith has to be worked out in actualities. We shall be scattered, not into work, but into inner desolations and made to know what internal death to God's blessings means. Are we prepared for this? It is not that we choose it, but that God engineers our circumstances so that we are
brought there. Until we have been through that experience, our faith is bolstered up by feelings and by blessings. When once we get there, no matter where God places us or what the inner desolations are, we can praise God that all is well. That is faith being worked out in actualities."
For me, I find I must talk to myself over and over, at times, to get my mind to the truth of God. I find that God speaks to words of chastisement and encouragement.
For example, after a most distressing doctor's appointment last week, I was driving home very discouraged over the poor treatment and mocking done by this doctor, feeling less than human, and depressed. God spoke to me. "Lorene, he is only a man. Why believe him? Believe Me. You are loved. You are mine. Is that not of greater value?" Before I arrived home, my attitude was greatly improved. I did write that doctor and described my interpretation of the way the appointment went. He called and apologized.
Oh, how much God wants to help us. I found once I gave up, truly gave up - submitted to Him, I received great peace and joy. No worries, no anxieties, and a lot of hope came with submission. I still battle depression but it is quickly taken care of and a sure sign to me that I am out of God's will. I treasure the ways of God and love to be in His will because of my love for Him, so I take action and correction to adjust my thinking and attitude.
I know no matter where I am, God is there with me. I know the time I spend with Him is minute compared with what He gives back to me. I am so thankful for inner healing and that, while it is painful as can be, it yields incredible joy.
What are some ways you might be able to help yourself?
See a doctor?
Take time for yourself to get in touch with the truth?
Consider supplements?
Listen to worship music?
Find a hobby?
What kind of changes can you make to help yourself?
Discipline your use of time?
Sleep a normal amount of time?
Eat healthy?
Do you have someone to talk to that would be helpful to you and that you can trust?
If not, seek out a psychiatrist - find recommendations - find a good one.
Therapists - ask your doctor
Do you have a Bible and at least one daily devotional book?

I praise God for His creativity, His marvelous work, His faithfulness, His love and mercy in providing me the time to seek Him. I love my age. Being a senior citizen has definite perks. I taught for 27 yrs, raised four children, and have a husband of 39 yrs. Please see

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