I see in my mind's eye, sometimes, flashes of things in the past where the Lord has shown great kindness. I thank Him.
It reminds me of the Scriptures in James 5:11, about patience in the face of suffering.
Knowing that the outcome of what the Lord finally brings about is so full of compassion and mercy.
It speaks of Job's perseverance and that of the prophets, and what the Lord finally brought about, and how the Lord is full of compassion and mercy.
My example was not one of a righteous man but of a young woman who was just not capable. One who was foolish and immature,lost and without. A needy young woman who did not walk with our Lord nor know Him.
Though now, I can easily look back and see the Lord showing Himself throughout my life. That pull to Him that was always there. I knew it once, but not well, and had strayed from the thought of it as I grew older.
Yet I can see Him during this long, long trial, in my life before truly knowing Him, in the end of it, so clearly.
I know it was His mercy and compassion and kindness that changed my life. He was there, even then, even before I knew Him.
The world is not kind, but the Lord is kind.
The end of the matter with the Lord was rich in kindness that was not due me. I was so not worthy of such care. He gave me so much kindness, so full of compassion, so full of mercy. Praise the Lord!
His rain and care and love truly cover over the righteous and the unrighteous.
His love was a banner. And I knew His caring love, even in my lost condition.
To start my story, I was married many years ago when very young. I had been engaged to a young man since I was probably 15 years old.
Seemingly devoted to me and I to him, for what seemed like years in the mind of a youth. I looked forward at 17 to be able to be near 18 to go ahead and get married. We seemed inseparable. And this mindset was all I really knew.
How deceptive the world is and life in the world without the Lord's guidance. How much like oil as it flitters here and there.
It was such a weird thing to go through at such a young age, but I am sure nothing is uncommon to man. It was really weird if you were a very dysfunctional young woman and not prepared for what the world had to offer.
I think I quit playing dolls about the time I got married. Well, it certainly seemed that way with the standard of mental maturity.
Sometimes I look at teens today and have pain for them in my heart.
The need for their Heavenly Father's guidance is so clear in their lives they are projecting. The need for solid guidance that can only come through a relationship with the Lord, either to them directly, or through someone who loves the Lord and cares enough to reach out to them.
My marriage wasn't really a marriage. My eyes were blind, as I was blind. It did not exist at all, really, but that just evaded me. And after the fact, I could not get it annulled.
It lasted such a short time and there was an immediate rejection of me as a young wife, even really, I can see, at the very altar.
It made no sense. A wife of youth rejected before it began. It was warped and unreasonable. And left me for years with pain that I couldn't get over. I could not get the thorn of this thing out of my own life.
But the Lord could heal it. Completely.
And much later, when I knew Him and cried out to Him, He did heal me. And He healed me completely. He delivered me from the pain of it and healed me completely of the bondage to it. We are truly given a whole new life.
Immature, and in a lunacy depth of pain, without salvation, I ran to look for whatever would fill the pain of rejection at that time, what would fill that void.
Ignorant of anything constructive to do with my life, I ran into another relationship, and another and another.
Expecting a baby, getting a divorce from the first marriage and into another weird relationship, all before twenty. I had decided not to fail in this relationship. And it fell, too.
I finally made my way out with my son, when my mother urged me to do so, worrying about my son's safety.
How sad. But the Lord said that the poor and needy had cried for water and there was none. I think in my heart that fit me to a T.
I was poor and needy to know the Love that was the Lord's. But was looking for love, earthy love, thinking it was love.
Looking everywhere for that drink that doesn't satisfy.
Ignorant fairy tales, a person with no discipline, no concept of the ticking of a clock called living in a society, where you work and function.
Only a desire so deep to be loved, to not be rejected, to find someone to care about me.
Not realizing that the One Person Who cared about me was there all along.
That drive caused me to put myself in situations that caused blow after blow.
I'm so thankful for the Lord Who looked on me in my despair, and stupidity, ignorance and foolishness and gave His own life to save me.
I am so thankful for the Lord God Who loved me, and loves us before we even have any way to love Him. I am so thankful for the Lord.
I remember sitting down one day and thinking at the end of that relationship, feeling absolute pain. I have died.
I can look back and see clearly that was a wonderful starting place where the Lord could bring about something new into my life. He looked on me in mercy. A place where the Lord looked on me in mercy and gave me a new place to start.
I didn't know Him yet, but His imprint in this situation is as clear as day, as clear as can be.
And not long after that a person came into my life. I met him at a bookstore I worked at.
I know the Lord sent him to me. I knew it then.
We married. We also moved to another state and started a home and had a family.
People didn't think it would work, but it did. It too, was a kindness from the Lord.
I knew the Lord sent me my husband even before I knew the Lord. He was a gift from the Lord to me. He is so kind and He cares about us.
I can see easily God's kindness and mercy and love, compassion in my life.
He not only gave me another chance at life, but did not give up on me and gave me a husband that has shown me God's own attributes in caring for me through the years. He gave me a real husband and life's partner.
The Lord has allowed me to love him in His own precious love.
Though we went through so much in our lives, yet the Lord held us together. He still does.
We came to know the Lord together over time,as the Lord drew us together, to Him.
The Lord gave me a wonderful marriage that is still wonderful, and even more so today than yesterday, though the yesterdays have been wonderful.
Not in the way man would think perhaps, but in the Presence of the Lord in our lives and marriage, and His keeping us and giving us His life.
The Lord came into our lives and became the Center of our lives. The Glue that binds us together. The marriage is held together by Him. It has suffered the blows of the wind and rain, but the Rock was what held it together.
It is a wonderful thing to know the Lord. To have Him in our lives. There is nothing like it.
He loves everyone very much. He gave Himself on the cross that we might be able to come to Him and find a new life. He gave His own life, that we might find a new one in Him.
His kindness shines on us even when we don't know it. He is there behind the dark clouds, and it is not ever so dark that He is not there, He is always there to hear the cry of our heart.
He hears our cries like a Heavenly Father. Even those things that I put myself into through ignorance and foolishness and from being really, a terrible person, - yet He came in love and saved me.
I want to encourage whoever the Lord is drawing close to Him. Whoever is going through depths of pain and in need so badly. That the Lord cares for you.
That the Lord will never leave you or forsake you, and as the Bible says, the end of the matter shows His great mercy and compassion.
He can bring a change. And I find that He gives to me to love my family in a way that I could not do myself. He's the Answer.
He never took me aside and told me how I didn't deserve Him, though it was so true. He just brought healing to my life.
Once it came to me to realize how foolish and immature I had been, it was because He was giving me enough light and healing to see my ways and be able to repent of it, change the course I was going on.
It is His kindness that led me to repentance.
He didn't upbraid me in my depth of pain for my foolishness.
He just came and pulled me out. And saved me. And will do the same for anyone. He loves us all. He is truly the Good Shepherd.
My name is Kathleen Angell.
My life was dramatically changed when the Lord made Himself real to me.
My website is www.thecranberryhouse.org
We have a weekly food outreach to Kenya, to feed children and those in need.
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