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If Only They Had Listened to the Sermon

by Jan Ackerson  
8/25/2008 / Humor

If only Sam I Am had listened to this sermon

The Bible says to be content
And do not rage
And do not vent
It's God who gives us food to eat
Our bread, our fruit,
Our eggs, our meat
So you can eat them anywhere
Yes, on a stool
Or in a chair
Or with a cat
Or with a bear
Remember, always say a prayer

If only that guy in the study had listened to this sermon

Why are you so dull and dreary? Why so sad, and why so teary?
Why are you forever dwelling on the things that came before?
I'm afraid your spirit's napping, when you should be singing, clapping,
Praising God with fingers snapping, snapping close to heaven's door;
Yes, you should be shouting "hallelujahs" close to heaven's door

"Hallelujahs", nothing more.

If only Old Saint Nick had listened to this sermon

It's six weeks before Christmas, and all through the land
Everybody is shopping. There's such a demand
For gewgaws and baubles, for gadgets and toys,
Computers and iPods for girls and for boys.
But here's what our wondering eyes should behold:
A babe in a manger by prophets foretold,
The shepherds, the wise men, a Savior who'll dwell
With his people on earth--our Lord Emmanuel.

If only the Capulets and Montagues had listened to this sermon

'Tis folly, then, to grip an ancient hate
Like thistles that to woolen stockings cling,
For heartache will be yours, and sorrows great
If feuding families yield not to their King.
Lord Jesus has enjoined us to forgive;
It matters not how grievous the offense,
But in His precepts we should daily live
And lay aside each grudge, from this time hence.
Seek peace now, for your daughters and your sons.
In truth, this petty squabbling should be o'er,
For blessed is the citizen who shuns
All sin, and lives for Christ forevermore.
So greet each other with a sacred kiss
And in forgiveness find God's holy bliss.

If only Casey at the Bat had listened to this sermon

The outlook isn't brilliant, friend, if you forget to pray,
For Satan's on the other team, he's really here to stay.
He'll make you think you're something greatthat folks should know your name,
That everything depends on you, the finest in the game.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land humility is right,
And somewhere there's integrity, and somewhere it's all right
To put one's team before oneself. There isn't any doubt
That if you're really selfish, then the "good guys" will strike out. poe

Jan is a Christian who has traveled through sorrow and depression, and has found victory and grace. She dedicates all writings to her Heavenly Father. Check out Jan's website at
Copywrite Jan Ackerson--2006

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