Are you doing all that you can to help your child succeed in life? PT3
by Janice S Ramkissoon 9/09/2008 / Parenting
If parents continue to neglect their children, husbands and wives will continue to disagree; fight and eventually divorce. In short, they will continue to live less than fulfilled lives.
When a husband does the basics of providing shelter and food for his family, then expects from his wife, the qualities of a 'capable wife' (reflected in proverbs 31) he's asking for trouble! His wife expects much more and so she should! The problem is: he truly believes that his role as a husband and father ends at this provision of food and shelter. And he will continue in this way, walking in his folly, until it catches up with him. Then when it does, he gets confused wondering "Where am I going wrong? I am doing the best that I can, what more does she want from me?"
He was brought up in a home where the basic necessities were applied. Therefore, that is what he has been taught and so he goes into marriage unprepared to be a husband and in some cases a man. Being naïve, he truly believes that there's nothing more he can do for his wife. He may even compare her with others who may not have a husband to provide these needs and thinking she really should be thankful.
He grew up watching his mother do everything around the house so he grows up with the idea that it is her role and goes into marriage expecting his wife to take on the role of his mother; doing all the things his mother did. Then the wife gets exhausted working around the clock using up all her available energy for the children, the housework, her husband and whatever outside projects she may be involved in. She then advance in age, her body is always working overtime and it is taking a toll on her mental status but it doesn't ring an alarm bell for him because 'My mother had to do all that and more and she's still alive!'
Missing the Point
He miss the point, complains about her letting her self go but doesn't see how he can help her to get back on track. Soon he is looking elsewhere for satisfaction because she's not as energetic as she used to be. And so he does to his wife, exactly what his dad did to his mother. While this is taking place he is teaching his children through his actions. His daughter may grow up and take the same treatment from another man and his son may dish out the same.
Eyes need to be opened. There is too much recycling of neglect that is taking place. Women have been suffering all forms of abuse, because of the lack of training where our sons/husbands are concerned and so their emotions are all over the place. They cannot instil confidence in their daughters because they themselves have lost their confidence and feel worthless from the abuse. Women and their children pay the price of the parents who failed to teach their son how to be a man.
The same applies to a wife who, as a child, was also taught the basics. The husband expects that 'capable wife' but she thinks he's crazy, 'You're living in the dark ages. I am not going to slave away in any kitchen.' Or 'You best be taking me to a restaurant or hiring someone to cook.' Or the classic one: 'My nails cost a fortune, I can't afford to have them damaged doing house work, you need to get a cleaner' This is the life she got used to and he has to pay the price if he wants to live a peaceful life. Also there are those who refuse to work as hard as their parents did and so they flip the coin, giving their children the freedom to do as they please and so end up the same way irresponsible adults. And someone will pay the price.
Husbands and wives, I encourage you to go to the blueprint for marriage in order to get your marriage in line with the word of God. Don't allow your parent's failings to determine the quality of life that you live or expose your children to. It is time for change. Change needs to take place in order for us to enjoy life the way God intended it to beLife in abundance, in all its fullness (John 10:10). We can all have that life, its available to us on the condition that we surrender our will to God's will and follow His instructions. Once we allow Him to take control, He'll right all the wrongs done in our marriage and parenting (for lack of knowledge) and give us hearts of forgiveness, which will release the feeling of hurt and resentment from the neglect of our parents/guardians.
Janice S Ramkissoon 2008
Janice, a freelance writer, lives in the UK and enjoys spending time with her husband, Vince and their son, Javin. She uses her gift to encourage others towards a deeper relationship with God, through her inspirational pieces while her travel articles provide general advice for the holiday-maker.