Why Some People Cheat
by Angie Lewis 9/23/2008 / Marriage
The main reason that some people act on things that go against their moral conscience is because they do not have a personal relationship with their Creator. If they did, they wouldn't have any reason or the temptation to cheat. Adulterers don't really go by any moral guidelines telling them not to cheat. Cheaters simply allow society to shape and mold who they are, rather than allow God to go to work in their lives. When we don't apply our spiritual self to our life, and we come up against temptation, we believe it's ok to cheat just because we are unhappy in our marriage or just because we can.
Emotionally needy people are more apt to cross over the boundaries of marriage and have affairs. These superficial relationships feel good temporarily, but when the relationship begins to wane, neediness comes back. Neediness is a learned emotion brought on by childhood. Needy people have either been abandoned by a parent, went through a parents divorce, or feel unloved and unwanted, therefore, out of their own fear and anxiety they reach out to strangers in an attempt to make themselves feel better. It doesn't work. The simple truth is when we decide to put our faith and trust in God rather than in people we don't need to use others to get our needs met.
You do not have because you do not ask? (What a revelation) When you ask, you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? (James 4:2-4)
We all want to be loved, praised, and adored. Some of us need this adoration to the point of degrading ourselves to get it. We believe the lies strangers tell us. How wonderful we are, how sexy we are, how beautiful we are. These lies have literally filled us up with euphoric lust for that other person. But just like a drug addict who needs a fix every so often to make himself feel good, so does the person with a low self-image need another person doting over them to make themselves feel good. Cheating is an addiction. Flirting is an addiction. This is why affairs usually don't work. God did not create people to have a low-self worth. No, we have created that image of ourselves by how we think and what we believe.
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2:10)
Living in the Past
Without God in our life we have no purpose. We do not know who we are and what we're capable of becoming or what our potential is. Most adulterers carry around baggage from their past this is why they have conflict in their relationships; the past keeps haunting them. Negative emotions about the past takes a precedent in their lives, therefore they can't or won't move on and start living for today. Many sober alcoholics are like this, even after five, ten, fifteen years, their still attending AA meetings and still talking about their past alcoholic life as if it were still here. What about moving on and away from the past and becoming a NEW person in Christ? Be transformed with a renewing of your mind.
Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)
Too Much Pride
Pride is a defense mechanism that keeps us safe and secure in our own little world. We have pride because of a low-self image. As long as we don't ask for help, or as long as we stay away from learning about what God can do for our life we won't be vulnerable to opening ourselves up and letting others see who we really are. Too much pride in our attitude and beliefs (self-importance) makes us think we deserve to have whatever our hearts desire we think we are free to have sex with whomever we want even when we are married. But our Creator - our Source for REAL love now and eternal life later has not given us this freedom, we have stolen it!
How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain praise that comes from the only God? (John 5:44)