You're Not In Love If
by Angie Lewis 12/13/2008 / Relationships
You're not in love if you expect something in return. If you expect something in return for your love, such as flirting, praise, gifts, or sex then you're really trying to produce a certain euphoric feeling within you that you think love is supposed to feel like, and that is not love.
Love is not self-seeking
You're not in love if your love does not produce tangible actions. Your love should produce positive, productive action from you. We can all talk a good talk, but when it comes to our walk, many of us fall. What can we do differently to make sure that our talk coincides with our walk?
Love is patient, love is kind
You're not in love if you are relying on a feeling to tell you so. What are your actions telling you? Are you serving in acts of kindness through forgiveness and compassion? Or are you relying on a feeling to tell you that you are in love? Feelings of lust and desire can mimic love and make us think we are in love.
But what happens after these supposed love feelings wane off? Can love just come and go like that? No, love is not a feeling that can come and go like the rising tide. Love is an action that comes through with the way we act and behave towards others.
It always protects
You're not in love with someone you committed adultery with. If you allow your lustful desires to control how you feel about someone than you are a very confused person. Many people confuse sex with love because they are afraid to love or don't know how to love. It's time to let go of the unhealthy sexual attitude and be free to love without disrespecting others sexually.
Is love something you get or something you give? It is both. When someone loves you they will give a part of themselves to you through an action through a behavior. Maybe they have forgiven you for committing adultery. Or perhaps they have sacrificed their time and hobby for you. Or maybe they have given up on having a baby because you don't want children. These are all tangible actions demonstrating what love is.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud
When you give love to someone it is in the same way. Is flirting with someone you are not married to, love? Is having sex with someone you are not married to, love? Is giving and receiving praise, love? Is looking at porn, love? Is desiring someone you are not married to, love? No, no, no, no, and no. Then what is all of these things? Do you know?
So if you think you are in love with someone other than who you are married to, it is only euphoric feelings overriding true principles of what true love is, and those feelings certainly will not last.
Have you ever thought about "why" the person you are having an affair with would have a relationship with a married person in the first place? Only those people who do not understand what real love is or how to love others properly would have an affair with a married person.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth
You are in love if you share a part of yourself through a tangible action. Love is learned. We are not born with it. If you were brought up in a home that demonstrated unconditional love, you will understand how to give unconditionally. But if you were brought up in a home where everyone kept score and they loved with conditions, you will love others in that same way.
The good news is you can teach yourself how to love by going back to the principles of what real love is. Write them down and attach them to the refrigerator. Teach them to your spouse and to your children. We can truly love others when we understand what the principles of love are.
And now I will show you the most excellent way. I am nothing, if I give all that I posses to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
The Principles of Love
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13)