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Marriage Advice: How To Get Your Husband To Listen To You

by Lorene Troyer  
1/19/2009 / Marriage

What do you do when it seems impossible to communicate with your husband without starting an argument. For instance have you ever had a bad afternoon- Johnny tried to flush kitty down the toilet, the washing machine quit working and you lost your cell phone at the mall.

Your husband walks in the door and you tearfully tell him all about it. Instead of giving you the sympathy you were looking for, he proceeds to tell you what you should have done differently. He has just poured salt on the wound and at this point, many women make the decision that they will never again discuss their problems with the man they married.

Problems in marriage can often be eliminated by understanding how men think. Giving advice is a man's way of helping and showing love. Unless you tell him, he will not know why you get so frustrated when he is only trying to help you. Instead of being resentful and cutting off communication, try this approach:

Tell him you need to talk and that you just need him to listen. You may want to say something like "I really need to talk about this situation. It will make me feel better about what is going on."

Let him know that you are not asking him for advice on how to fix the issue but that he is helping you by simply being interested and listening to you. If it has something to do with him, focus on your feelings and not on his faults. Instead of saying "You did not" say "I feel angry that..." If you blame him, it will cause him to defend his actions even if he knows he is wrong. If you talk loudly and become agitated, he will too.

As you talk you might notice him getting uncomfortable. You might say, "I know this is not easy for you, but I really appreciate you listening to me." When you are finished talking, make sure to give him a sincere thank-you for listening and assure him that you are starting to feel much better.

Understanding how men think will help you be patient as your husband begins to realize that he truly is helping by listening to you. By gently reminding him and letting him know you appreciate his efforts, you will help him do what he wants to do most-help you.

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