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Married to a Bossy and Controlling Spouse

by Angie Lewis  
3/04/2009 / Marriage

Are you married to a bossy or controlling spouse? Why do some couples control and boss each other around? People who control others with words, threats, fist, lies, and manipulative behavior usually have underlying insecurities within them. Perhaps they are usually afraid of losing something or someone. They have to get to the bottom of these insecurities to understand how to accept the things they cannot change and the courage to only change the things they can themselves.

The Bossy and Controlling Wife

Most women need details, schedules, and organization in the home front and that is why women are good at managing the things of the home. But some wives go so far as detailing, scheduling, organizing and controlling their husbands. Wives are generally better at organizing and directing the kid's schedules, managing the cleaning, the budget, and overseeing the cooking, but she should not order her husband around. Sadly, wives don't realize they are doing this.

Some wives tell their husbands how to dress, what kind of job to have, how to talk to people, what friends to have, how to behave, how much money to spend, what to eat and when to eat it. He is so micromanaged that he feels smothered by his wife, but he doesn't really know what to do about it. Instead this type of guy stays out with his buddies a lot, or finds outside interests such as a hobby or sport to take up and is usually away from home when he is not working.

Wives don't realize that they are actually pushing their husbands away from them through their micromanaging. Women are great at managing the home front and every aspect of the home, including the kids, but when it comes to the man of the house, she should be a bit more meek and loving. The more a woman tries to control, boss, and or, change her husband, the more resentful he feels.

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, of which he is the Savior. (Ephesians 5:22-23)

What does resentment do to a man? It can make him bitter and feel disrespect for the woman he married. Maybe he will try and seek a woman that will treat him like a man instead of a puppet. Many husbands don't speak up about how they feel. When husbands don't express themselves to their wives how can she know there is a problem? It's not that she doesn't want to accept her husband's administration but that the opportunity never presents itself for her to do so.

Most likely he is not leading the home in the manner in which God has shown him but in a manner that comes from his own understanding. And that is the whole problem in the marriage relationship. Couples absolutely NEED to respect each other and the God-given positions given to them. Let's not turn marriage upside down like the world is trying to do. Let's keep marriage the way God intended.

The Bossy and Controlling Husband

Most men rely on their wives to take care of many aspects of the home except for if the roof needs repaired or if wood needs to be chopped, stuff like that. But some husbands micromanage how the wife is managing the home and he ends up being bossy and controlling doing it. Unless your wife is just a lazy slob who sits around on the couch watching soaps and eating bonbons all day, you need to leave her alone.

Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (Ephesians 5:25) In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (Ephesians 5:28)

A loving husband should not control his wife with strong words but be the man of his marriage. Controlling husbands usually feel insecure about their position as the man of the home. In many instances the wife is also bossy and controlling, which leaves him feeling devalued and under-appreciated. The more disrespected he feels the more controlling he gets. This is a vicious cycle in marriage, but it can be rectified when husbands take back what belongs to them their headship position in the marriage.

Apply the wisdom and understanding that God has given you. God has given you strength and courage to be the man of your home and marriage, and to love and protect your wife. Most women don't have a problem with their husbands being lovingly firm with them. But they do have a problem when their husbands demand, control, and boss them around for their own insecure reasons. Where is the wisdom in that?

The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and insincere. (James 3:17)

If a husband has to control his wife for her to accept his masculine influence then something is askew with the relationship. Or maybe something is wrong with her attitude. In a healthy marriage a man shouldn't have to boss or control his wife in any way they should be communicating with each other instead. Use the wisdom God has given you and make it so your wife will want to support your guiding direction.

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:3)

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