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The Profile Of A Christian Parent.
by Titilope oluwadare When we talk of the profile of a Christian parent We are looking @ the picture of who a Christian parent should be , reviewing our own performance in a bid to improve our performance where we fall short , see where we are doing well so we can do more of that and by so doing become more effective. When as human beings we hear improve people feel defensive. They feel I am doing so much for my children already. What else can I improve? My response is always we learn how to drive a car; we get a license to show our competence. Why should we not learn skills to parent our children, so we don't crash their lives? Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. The direction of your Childs life is your responsibility, no one else's. 75% of what, He or she will be comes directly as a result of training. Remaining 25% is based on personality. the identity of your children is based on your training , their self respect, self discipline , self love, are all based on what you did in parenting them. Self value [love] is something that must be inside [ bible says love your neighbours as yourself ] without a healthy sense of self love a person cannot be effective in life. If you hate yourself, you will hate others and you will hate the world. You will believe others must share in your pain , sorrows , why should they be happy when you are miserable. . That was what was happening to Jabez That was why not only did his name means a person who causes pain , a weight laid on his life by his parents , he actually knew he fulfilled their prophesy . That was why he prayed" O Lord I f though will bless me indeed That I may no longer cause pain!. Concerning parents giving direction to their children's destiny Bible also says in Psalm 127; 4 4As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth... Too often children are seen as liabilities rather than assets. But the Bible calls children "a gift from the LORD," a reward. We can learn valuable lessons from their inquisitive minds and trusting spirits. Those who view children as a distraction or nuisance should instead see them as an opportunity to shape the future. We dare not treat children as an inconvenience when God values them so highly. The character, the values children hold dear in life comes from parenting .They are your voice to the future, where you may not see they will go ahead of you to see. Do you Value them as God does. Are they liabilities to be thrown into care and not disturb, if you are at home with them do you get involved. A child is a blank slate on which things are written. If they live in loveless home, they learn that love is overhyped, if there is no mutual understanding, latter in life they won't be able to understand and work as a team with the spouse. If there was beating s and violence they grow up thinking it is part of love. Many people were damaged in the bid of discipline. In addition to looking @ the picture of who a Christian parent should be, I also know part of why we are here is that we need information to change any destructive parenting we were exposed to in our childhood, but some may say "O , I turned out well enough ,in fact I am a gift to humanity " maybe the outside of the package does not tell the whole story. Do you have feelings of worthlessness , can you manage your money , do you bring great value to your marriage , church and the society at large , If there is a no to any of the above . You have to excavate the effect of some wrong parenting. And change direction so the same things do not happen to your children. Moreover I know we are here because we need to get alternative skills to discipline our children than what we know, [Discipline does not mean punish it means teach. it comes from the word disciple, to teach, train and guide. We need to understand how to disciple our children and how to be good role models for them. We need to learn skills to allow our children to express themselves, and be in healthy relationships with adults. We need to sort out all the confusing advice we have had on training. Brethren you need to know how to bring up children and fill this earth in the image of God. Genesis 1:27-29 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. 28And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth We more than ever must have a sense of history as we do this seminar. We must take a look into how we were raised , look back into our past, what made us have the values we have and look into our future and see what you have the power to change in the lives of your children, we must know , The direction of my children's lives is my responsibility . Moreover parents want to learn more because we have found out that we can't train our children the way we were trained even if it was very good. There are always values we can pass down, yet our children are not facing the things we faced. There was no internet when we were raised, there was no cable network with half a million channels, there was no broadband with access to information from around the world every minute, no game boys, no face book, no mobiles. I can go on and on, we live in a different world and that is why we have to change. you can't put old wine in new bottles it will bust .Thus with the level of pressure this children are exposed to, with the level of violence they see daily in game boys , films, amongst peers and even at home sometimes. You cannot expose them to the same approach we were raised with. You will break them. What they need more than anything is a sense of security and is lots of love. In view of all the above reasons for our coming I put down Ten main requirements of a Christian parent , or 10 Qualifications that must be in the profile of a Christian parent. Ten Requirements of a Christian Parent 1. Build your children's lives on Christ Root; Let them feel good about where they belong to. When people feel good about where, they come from, and they have a sense of connection, They are not easily moved into drugs, violence etc. Psalm 1. t hey are like a tree planted Give your child a sense of Identity as soon as possible. We are Christians, Christians don't do this /that { Root out every faulty foundation you erect Christ's foundation. Mathew 7:24-25" Jesus Christ said "Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: 25 and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock. Psalm 127:1 Unless the LORD builds the house, They labour in vain who build it; Unless the LORD guards the city, The watchman stays awake in vain. Christ is the Main resource in parenting make sure you depend on the leading of the Spirit of Christ and instruction in the word of God. The Holy Spirit will tell you secrets about your children if you hand them unto king Jesus. No member of the kingdom of Christ can go astray. This is why the greatest investment you can make too as parents is being under the kingdom of Christ Ephesians 2;19 says "You are members of God's family". Let your children Know that is the 1st family they belong to. : Psalms 1 ;1-4 also says 1 Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. 2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. 3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers. Please ensure your children are planted as a tree beside the word of God. If they are , if they are built on the rock when the waves come and the rain descend the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it will not fall, for it is founded on the rock. Let your children remain standing after any odds. It is only the rock that can keep them standing in this world ravaged by violence, overhyped sexuality and a lot of pressure we never faced when were growing up. 2. Inform them about your family history, your present values, Vision [what is important to you , what makes you different from any other family. Your vision in life] without vision people cast of restraint 3 God instructed Joel 1 ;3 Tell it to your children, and let your children tell it to their children, and their children to the next generation. Why? God is God of Abraham , Isaac and Jacob ,Joseph. God recognises 4 generations in a family , nations impact one another o nly to the forth generation . Europe is living in lawless ness now due to Hitler and world war 2 . You are 25% where did the remaining 75% of your character and values life comes from . It is from your ancestors . Josephs values in life was made up of Abrahams /Sarahs life , Isaacs/Rebecca, Jacob and Rachel . explain I believe Joseph had a sense of history that was why the shortcuts in his mothers family did not pass to him, 1st he must have learnt that lying cost his mother her her life, 2 he must have heard the story of a broken hip bone and the rebirth of Jaco b becoming Israel. This sense of history guarded him to make the right choices. He hated sin and compromise and was able to run from portiphas wife .Tell your children both the success and failures of your family . Why do Jews have a sense of history?, why do Americans have a sense of history?. Because they put value on their history . Tell your children where you come from, problems from that area, weaknesses from that area, how you can make a difference or help those from that area and then the larger world. Acts 1:8 But ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem, and in all Judaea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth. I.e. Nigeria Sense of identity .Daughter, saw Nigerians crying for help. You are not an accident of history. God choose where you are born and what you are born to be. Give your children a sense of history, so they know where they belong. Wh o they are , is who they are in Christ and the values they are raised with. Their careers calling should evolve out of the vision. To alleviate the poverty, wealth creation ,to stem the tide of illiteracy and disease. This vision keeps them focused. My children and my husband and I discuss Africa , it is the wealthiest continent in natural resources, Oil, Diamonds, gold, food best comes from Africa. Yet poorest. Our history is that of ineptitude , incompetence and no interest in wealth creation. .God gave a principle through joseph in the bible in pharaohs dream interpretation 7 /7 years principle, savings, dry up, store, don' t eat all you have or waste it . Thee is very little technology in Africa to store , dry up , can , everything is eaten or wasted , others are left for wealthier nations to scramble for and make wealth out of . Some oil companies in Nigeria have their biggest base in the world there ,yet will not help them develop Nigeria or help them capture the $300m worth of gas they waste monthly and pollute the nation killing people .Let your children know their history , why there is locust eating , why there are problems , it is not Gods unfaithfulness , people perish for lack of knowledge. Josephs calling was to carry on the Abraham covenant . Early in life despite being 2nd to last born God showed him, his calling to his family, to his people , his nation. This vision[ he didn't know it , it took is father to interprets it to him and keep the saying in his mind ]it was this vision that kept him from sinning against God and cutting short his destiny. The dream of pharaoh he interpreted saved them form sure death in the famine. Moses had a calling to deliver his people, without a sense of identity early in life by his mother who raised him as a Jewish boy in an Egyptian palace; he would have been in effective. It was this sense of identity that made him kill the Egyptian beating a Jew. He used his own way and God had to take him for 40 years of training g in patience in the wilderness to carry out his assignment .I need you to see a correlation in the bible by who raised us , what values we were raised with ,where we were raised and what we eventually become. Knowing where you come from , and the challenges from that place and failures of people who went ahead of you, as well as their successes gives a sense of self worth , you see yourself in the context of the word of God and what God is doing now . Greatest gift you can give your children is their root in Christ and a sense of worth or vision. Teach your child in the way they should go , they can't depart from it when they are old. 3. Put your child through [ adulthood transition or passage]circumcision, David and Saul's daughter skin of the head of philistines [ things they need to do to show their maturity] Your child must transition into adulthoood in the following areas, Personal, spiritual, physical mental, historic, emotional, economic, social, political, adulthood is not based on having a child it is based on becoming an adult. a 13 year old has a child , he is not an adult , he is a child who had a child. A 40 year old can still be a child who has a child if they did not cross and transit into adulthood. It is a parents role to teach a child to mature into adulthood in the following areas. Personal and {self esteem}, spiritual [development of a relationship with God and having a firm foundation}, physical knowledge ,{ sexuality , diet , nutrition,] Mental[ development of the brain , thinking skills, problems solving[ suicidal people men who kill themselves because of debt, financial crisis got into that because they are not looking for solution. Solution building is actually part of the therapy that helps you manage your anger. and crisis ] a . Goals b. alternatives , c. consequences , d.choice. , don't stop always look for alternatives, always check the negative and positive consequences ,then choose . From childhood parents are to teach their children this skills of decision making and solution building , ie helping them to decide on going out ,what to buy teach them to make choices . Let them learn to make intelligent decisions, not based on what people are doing, but based on your own values and faith . Help them to grow to adulthood in their Economic life [savings, principle of sowing and reaping , money does not come from cash machine it is a reward for work. } Let them grow up in Social skills [development of skills that either makes them leaders or followers, empathy, putting others 1st before themselves. [ my dad used to tell me that Key to leadership is self denial and service , people will follow you if they know you put them 1st even before yourself. Self-absorbed, self focused people cannot lead. He used to say a leader must be balance in self worth, and selflessness . Esther, raised by Modeachai said if I perish , I perish , for her nation. She placed value on her people , she learnt it from who raised her . Jesus Christ said whoever will be the greatest , let him be the servant . From Childhood teach your children to give, share , care for their brother/sister , take responsibility . 4 Shape the present in relation to the past and future. Discuss the values you were raised with, that made you who you are.[ values , achievement and success, self discipline, work , ethic, patience and optism towards adversity, concern or other, harmony with nature, Humour, respect for elders. [Negative values re active, fatalistic, lack of hope, distrust of self and others, fear , generalised apathy, unmotivated Proverbs 13;9 The life of the godly is full of light and joy, but the sinner's light is snuffed out. Africa and developing countries have a lot of negative values. Survival values, Africa poor nations, selfish, Materialistic, LIEING, violent, immediate gratification, self worth is based on quantity, paranoid, manipulative. There are some values good, you keep , some good , process wrong you amend[ ie discipline [ Rod ] , some you discard. Before you can be a good parent you must 1st have looked in your past [make your peace and then look into your children's future and see what you will like them to be. 5. Teach your child to understand himself / herself and control, his/her emotions. Manage Anger.ie Pray, meditate, talk a walk, have a thinking time. Never act in anger you will regret it. Always think through your actions .Let them understand their triggers, a word, i.e. N word, teach them how to always get back in control and never allow them to get out of control. They will face b bullying, name calling, criticisms, accusations, being lied about, treachery, changing of rules, disloyalty. That is human, it is your responsibility to teach them how to handle those things, It starts at an early age, thinking corner. Think through, then do solutions building Ie abo. Earn the respect of her peers. Options, Run after them, let them treat you anyhow , ignore them and become so good they learn to respect you. No arguments against result. outbursts , Christ Son , anger management , name calling in school. Spiral effect , environment , personality , not expressed , leads to problems Identify and label his emotions. If they don't put a label to it they will act it out.[ Tire] Help them to communicate their feelings, by communication yours, bad day at work, feeling sad, it makes them pic verbal cues and develop empathy. When mummy is tired, or daddy is worried we must not worry them. Give them 2 peaceful hours rest. Are you alright, do you feel better. If you let them still holler irrespective of what is happening. Insensitivity. They learn when you feel bad or had a bad day, you don't need to kick your brother, go to bed , rest it out , and discuss it after you have controlled your feelings. Discuss different emotions, shyness, guilt , anxiety , pride, jealousy , idealism, fear , love, joy , peace . Teach them to remove bad emotions, ie if you feel jealous about someone, pray for them and thank God for what is happening to them. You feel better.ie Tummy ache anxiety ,fear an insecurity pray for mummy 7.Teach your children consequence of behaviour.corrective consequence decrease bad be havior . If a child does not learn the logical consequence of bad behaviour they will grow in it , steal l sweet at home, steal sweet in shop, do fraud , they feel it is okay ones you are not caught. Parents compound this by saying if I catch you doing so and so. Teach your children , why they should not steal after you caught them , tell them the consequence next time, you catch them, ie don't jump on your bed, Do your home work , let them face the consequence of their action. Don't fight in school , if they do and they are excluded don't fight the school, reinforce them .Ift hey break neighbours glass, let them pay for it, Christmas gift that year , pocket money. Childhood before 6 shapes children's lives in fixture, That is why it is called formative years . A child who beats the children latter in life , Never leant of the consequences before 6 , stealing , cheating , immorality, fraud ,. Never faced the consequence of their behaviour . Many adults who rationalise and blame others for their mistake never learnt the consequences of their actions 8. Teach your children the Art of communication and Conflict management . Always allow them to express themselves . Teach them conflict management. People disagree , that does not make them enemies. There is appropriate communication to Teacher, parents and those in authority and different to friends . you don't say wassup to your parents . latter in life they will respect their teachers , bosses , Pastors . Let them know that conflicts happen because people step on others boundaries. Yes the are leaders , but they are not leaders every time. The best leaders are the best followers. As they learn to lead they must be good followers, so that your home, the church , your office can run well , don't be disruptive. Role model. Wife submit to your husband, husband submit to God in the home, when God gives you a leader in church , follow ,You are not the leader , even when you are the lader elsewhere . know your boundaries. We had a program with a pastor twice. She took over everything people thought she organised it. I stayed back. God gave us the vison I started doing it all alone . 5 different ministers . Go to a house acknowledge the set men and defer to them. Teach you children to Know your boundaries. When you are invited to a feast. Last seat. Don't seek pre-eminence where you lack authority. Look at the Body of Christ , Go to churches , rebellion , pride , conflicts in the church , pride , everyone wants to be the leader. Let your children lead in their strength .Teach your children when you offend apologise. Role model it they will genuinely apologise when they are wrong. 9. Make family Rules with your children. Give them boundaries. Respect for one another, respect for parents, teachers, and those in authority over you, Family TV off on Weekdays. Talk to each other once a week, Never discuss family with outsiders, pray and read your bible daily, No shouting in the house, No bad Language allowed 10. Give them safe way to be themselves, Let them understand their personalities . Let them understand their personality. They are not little you they are from 2 people and a distinct personality. Let them evolve, don't stifle them, Slow positive reinforcement Help them build their character daily.
Titi Oluwadare is the Vision Coordinator of His Grace Evang Min. The Ministeries include , His Gem worship centres in the Uk and Nigeria. Kingdom women{Kwic] in London,Nigeria and South Africa and Gem Commmunity ventures . She is married to David Oluwadare and they are blessed with Children.Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com |