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Tackle Talk
by Kristi Peifer To be performed in reader's theatre style CAST OF CHARACTERS Offstage Announcer Jim Bodeen Phil Fisher Offstage Announcer: Thank you for listening to KPEW. The program you are about to enjoy is brought to you courtesy of Manna in a Minute! (Announcer reads commercial) Do you find yourself wandering aimlessly around your kitchen? Do you want to make a healthy, filling meal for your family, but there's nothing in the cupboard but pickled okra and a jar of outdated marshmallow crme? If so, then you need Manna in a Minute! No more wasted time thinking up menus and shopping for a whole list of ingredientsall you need is a box of Manna in a Minute! Cooking it is a cinch, too! Just add water, and voila! Instant gourmet! Manna in a Minute is the quick, convenient way to get your daily bread. (Opening theme music) Jim: Hello, and welcome to Gridiron of God! I'm Jim Bodeen. Phil: And I'm Phil Fisher. Well, Jim, we're back at Church of the Presumption, and it looks like the Rev. has started the game off with a bang! Jim: Nope, that was just a praise team member knocking over a music stand. Phil: Heh, heh, heh. So it is. It's a good thing vocalists don't need coordination to sing! Jim: You've got that right, Phil. Looks like it's going to be an exciting morning. I'm expecting to see some great action out there in the pews! Phil: The players are assembling as we speak. Jim: Looks like we have our regulars. There's Lola Stevens jockeying for her customary position in the second pew on the left side. She's sittingshe's getting comfortable Phil: Ohoh, it looks like Lola forgot her bulletin! She's up! She's making a mad dash down the center aisle! Jim: But wait! What's this? A newcomer just came up the side aisleand is sitting in Lola's seat! Phil: Here comes Lola. She's noticed the seat snatchershe's coming in for the sack Jim: Denied! Interception by Ted Peters, the head usher! Phil: Nice play there, Ted. That's why they put you in charge, buddy! Jim: What's this in the foyer? Phil: It's little Billy Collins! He's trying to find his mother. He's searchinghe's crowding in between the adultshe's Jim: He's wiping snot on the pastor's wife's skirt! Both: EWWWW. Phil: I'd hate to have to do her dry cleaning! Jim: That's for sure. Ah, Ethel Ratzenberger is taking her seat at the organ. It must be time for the service to start. Phil: An interesting tidbit of information for you, JimEthel is a third-generation organist for the Church of the Presumption. Her mama played organ, her mama's mama played organ, and doggone it if she's going to let the tradition die. Jim: Yes, indeed. Too bad she's always a couple bars ahead. Phil: But you've got to admit, Jim, it does lend itself to a rather unique cacophony reverberating off the stained glass windows. Jim: Speaking of reverberating, there's Richard Jones, making a joyful noise. Phil: A loud, painful, joyful noise! Jim: Looks like Janice O'Donnell has had enough. She's rolling her eyesshe's contemplating giving Richard a penalty. Phil: And he's oblivious, singing at the top of his lungs. Ooh, that was a sour note. Jim: That did it. She's tapping him on the shoulderhe's turning around Phil: She's saying somethingit's faint, but I think I can make it outshe's saying, "God gave everyone a gift, but honey, singin' ain't yours." Jim: Ouch! That hit below the hymnal! Phil: You know that smarts! Jim: Yup. And if Janice has any smarts, she'll choose another pew next week! Phil: Speaking of next week, that's all the time we have for today. Join us next week for a peek at the pastor's playbook. Jim: We'll be interviewing the Rev. about important church issues, like whether or not the praise team can use drums Phil: And how to get around that pesky 'but-we've-always-done-it-this-way' committee! Jim: Until next time, remember to buy Manna in a Minute, and you'll never want for your daily bread! (Closing theme music) Copyright Kristi Peifer, 2011. I am a pastor's wife, the mother of two special needs children, a performer, and a lover of all things funny. My sincerest desires are to glorify Jesus Christ and to make someone laugh--preferably at the same time. Visit me at www.neverkissatoaster.blogspot.com Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com |