Forever is…Forever

Providence: 1a often capitalized: divine guidance or care.  b capitalized: God conceived as the power sustaining and guiding human destiny (Merriam-Webster Dictionary).

How can I explain “Forever”?  I am ruled by Time, by a Twenty-Four-hour day; and each minute, each tick of that clock tells me what to do, where I need to be and how much time, I have to live.  But the truth is this, “Forever” has already begun because God always was and is and is to come (Revelation 1:8).  There was never a time when God did not exist, and although I cannot really wrap my mind around the concept of “Forever”, I know in my heart I will understand in God’s time.  I have secretly wondered what will we do in Heaven. Will, I get bored? Will we do the same thing every day…but wait there are no days, and that is my dilemma!  How much “Time” is Forever. While my brain was swirling with these thoughts.  God reminded me, so kindly just Who He is.

This past December 31^st, I lost my Earthly Father and my heart just aches.  My wonderful, loving Daddy was now in a hospital bed, a man that was always physically strong, now unable to hold a spoon or a cup.  His body was tired and weak, his hearing and eyesight almost gone, but his mind was so alive.  The last few days of my Dad’s journey on this earth he could not eat or drink and the only words he spoke were about the pain he felt.  I became the care-giver, no longer the child.  I tried my best to reassure him, to comfort him, letting him know my Mother and I were right by his side.  In the final hours, the only thing my Dad said was the word “Home”.  At first, I told him “Daddy you are home, you are here in your bed in the sunny room you love so much.”  He glanced at me and said “Home, I want to go Home.”  My Mom and I looked at each other and we knew what he meant, he was looking toward Heaven, toward our Heavenly Father.  I just did not want him to go yet.  My Dad was ninety years old and had lived a wonderful and full life and it was his time, as we are all appointed once to die, (Hebrews 9:27).  Only a few short hours after that my Dad passed away in his sleep, he made no sounds, no movements, nothing, he just slipped into God’s Arms. 

At first, I wanted to back everything up.  I asked God, to wait a minute, to hold on a second, what if I could change his medication, or call the Doctor.  But, of course I did not want my Dad in anymore pain and I knew he was with God and the Joy he was now experiencing was what he always wanted, and truly what I wanted for him.

As arrangements were made and burial services completed we set about cleaning out the house and moving my Mother closer to us.  We talked and talked about Dad.  We laughed and smiled and cried, sometimes all at once. 

But this also brought a realization that I still had questions that I wanted to ask my Dad, stories I wanted to hear, advice he could give to me.  I needed just a few more minutes, maybe a few days with my Dad.  These fifty-seven years I have known him are just not enough, in fact I do not think any amount of time with my Dad would be long enough.  And that is when it really hit me, so why would “Forever” be long enough to spend with God? If I, being a sinful person, filled with faults would want to spend forever with my Dad, why would I ever be concerned about eternity with my Savior.  I will never be bored, or sad, or tired, or hungry or lonely because I will be in His Presence. I will always want to know more about my Heavenly Father.  The Word tells us, if your Earthly Father knows how to give you good gifts, how much more does your Heavenly Father give you. (Matthew 7:11).

Even in the sorrow of losing my Dad he still gave me one more lesson to learn.  Time is not the ruler of me because I belong to God and for maybe the first time in my life I truly understand the Providence of God.

I have been writing all my life, I just didn't realize it until I was my late 40's.  I hope my experiences can help others who have gone through similar trials.