It was a tantalizing evening, St.Patrick's day, March 17th, 1980. I was a student living in the dormitory of my vocational school in upstate NY for handicapped babies. And, with the curriculum being both physically and emotionally draining; all the girls felt the need for a night out, and our conversation went something like this:

"How many cars are we gonna need?" one of the girls asked.

"Three....I think," another one replied.

So about ten of us piled into the cars and drove to a bar one of the girls had frequented (the legal drinking age was eighteen back then.)

The place was dark and smoky, and the music fit right in with the atmosphere. I wandered around alone; checking out all the hungry-eyed guys gathered at the bar. They were always the easiest to start up a conversation with. So, I was just standing there, with my mixed drink, when I detected one of those guys checking me out. My intuition immediately told me, 'This guy has a mean aura about him, but back then I didn't get scared off that easily.

"Hey what's your name?" he inquired; totally smiling.

"Linda," I replied, while wondering, why can't I just roll my eyes, like a girl with some self-respect and just walk away?'

"Hi, I'm Jim," he replied, keeping his smile going and leaning in closer. "Who did you come here with?" he asked softly in my ear.

"Some school friends."

"Oh, that's funny, me too....ha ha. Hey, I have to go, but......ahhh.....Well, how ‘bout you give me your number and I'll call you."

"Sure," I replied, as I dug into my pocketbook for a pen; wondering what in hell I was doing. He grabbed a napkin off the bar and I jotted down my school phone number.

After that, Jim pursued me heavily. He called every time he said he would. He took me out often. He was gentle, fun, sweet and considerate. Before long, I was head-over-heels in love; completely abandoning my original impression of him.

A few months later, he came to me and announced, "I've decided to quit college and join the Navy. Then after boot camp, we can get married!

I replied, "What!?" Are you nuts? I don't want you to leave!"

He responded, "But this will be better..... I'm not doing well in school and this is the only way I know to take care of us, so we can be together."

I finally said okay; concentrating hard on believing in his sincerity. But as soon as he left I became overwhelmed with anger and doubt. 'He probably just said all that as a way out; the coward,' I thought. My friends said I should be happy, after all, he did say he wanted to marry me, but I couldn't let myself enjoy my pre-engagement status. I was consumed with insecurity and doubt.

'Long story short' Jim did end up proposing through a phone call and a letter of permission to my parents. Of course, I said yes.

Being he was stationed in Guam at that time, that was where we spent the first six months of our marriage. And, well, ummm.... as soon as we got off that plane the torment began. The physical abuse started first with a hard slap across my face. Soon, he was screaming in my face; swearing and calling me names over the tiniest things! And when things would escalate, he would pound my head into the floor, literally throw me across the room and constantly put me down and call me names. He even mounted a gun over our bed!

One day I could hear his Navy buddies in the background while Jim and I were arguing on the phone, and I could hear them saying, "That's it Jim. You tell her! Show her who’s boss!" But, I was stuck! I was in GUAM!

Then, once we were back in the states, I attempted to leave several times by going home to my parents, but every time he would beg and plead and promise to never hit me again and I would go back. This went on and ultimately got worse until I finally decided I had to do something, so I came up with what I thought was a probable solution. The first thing I had to do was convince myself that if my plan failed my parents would rescue me, which was the only way I could get up the courage. Then I told myself that Jim's behaviors were due to immaturity and what he needed was a dose of reality to wake him up. And, since I wanted a baby since I was 12 years old, so I stopped taking my birth control pills. (This was me at the age of 20. I was not only immature, I was also incredibly confused, and even forgot to seek God for help and guidance!)

And, then I even told myself it was better not to mention it to Jim or anyone else for that matter. I got pregnant soon after, but not really to my surprise, instead of being delighted like me; Jim was furious. I should have known it wouldn't go smoothly, and I immediately realized my originial theory was just my way of coping in my present state of a denial-like oblivion....

I ended up leaving with my seven month old son, for good this time. Life settled down and my baby and I embraced stability at last. I lived with bitterness for a while; hating marriage and even thinking it was stupid, but after some time God started showing me I was using men as a crutch, as well as my body and personality. I had to learn to lean on Him, then and only then was I ready to take that next step to completely forgive and be led by Him and not my silly ideas. I realized that Jim didn't know how wrong he'd been regarding his behavior toward me.

God started bringing to my remembrance that that's what Jesus taught us when He hung on the cross, "Jesus said, Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.....

"Then Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do." (Luke 23:34)

"For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6.14-15)

Furthermore, I started to realize, if I didn't forgive, I wouldn't be able to move forward. I sensed God may just want me to leave this man and begin life over again with my beautiful baby boy, and that was indeed what He led me to do. But, even as I was enjoying the safety of my parent's home, I knew forgiveness was imperative, otherwise bitterness and anger would fester in me to the point that I wouldn't even be able to have a healthy relationship in the future. So, I surrendered to His Spirit, and He did that work in me more quickly than I thought possible.

"Forgiving someone means giving up resentment and the right to get even with him or her, even though you were wronged. God insisted this was the only way to go through life. One reason He commands us to forego hostility and vengeance is that these things cause so much damage to our own lives." Used with permission from Touch Ministries ~

"Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." ~ Empowered Quotes, author unknown.

It was because of forgiveness that I was able to go on with my life and find love again and this time I don't have to suffer in my marriage; I matter and I have self-respect, as well as the respect of others. I learned all these things after fleeing from this abusive man in order to save my child and myself. That was many years ago.... Oh yeah, I also learned that God wanted me to trust Him to bring justice, even if retaliation seems reasonable.

Early in the year 2011, Jim was killed in a snowmobile accident. He was thrown over the handlebars into the street and then struck by a truck!

"Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord." (Romans 12:19, nkjv)

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Linzy is a certified Bible Counsellor, with countless republications on her viewers blogs, Bible Studies, Ezines and the like. Her portfolio includes, non-fiction articles, short stories for all ages, and Christian poetry.