The Helper – Part 3 – Are You Her Type?

By Jerry D. Ousley

I’m not certain that I can even count the times I’ve heard husbands remind their wives of what the Bible says about their duty to be obedient and submissive to their husbands.  Even the emperor of a major, ancient empire put away a wife because she didn’t do as he asked (read about it in the Book of Esther).  Ahasuerus had thrown a big party for all his high-ranking buddies.  As the party progressed, Ahasuerus decided to show off his beautiful queen, Vashti.  But she was in the middle of a party of her own, and refused to come to her king.  Long story short, his friends let him know that if he didn’t do something about this situation that all the wives in his empire would assume that they could do the same thing, and so Ahasuerus demoted Vashti, put her basically in a retirement apartment, and took a new queen.  Esther was that queen.  Read the short book for yourself.

            Now, guys, don’t get me wrong.  I am a man.  I don’t have feminine traits or characteristics.  I’m not a traitor here.  But if we really want to get it right – if we want to know what the Bible says, then we have to do all of what it says.  We can’t just pick and choose those lines that fit our agenda.  As believers in Jesus Christ, we are to conform to what the word says, not make it fit what we want to believe.

            Way back in the first book of the Bible, Genesis, after God put Adam to sleep and removed a rib from which He formed woman, and after man had fallen head over heels in love with Eve, God said, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”  (Genesis 2:24).  According to God, man is the one who does the leaving from home.  He is the one who makes the sacrifices for his wife and family, and he is the one who, yes, becomes the head because he chooses to put God first, his family second and his own desires and plans last.  He leaves, not her.

            In finishing up this mini-series on what Paul said about the marital relationship, he wrote this: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, and that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.  So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.  For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.  For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.  This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.  Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”  (Ephesians 5:25-33).  That says a lot.  It sums up what we have been teaching regarding how we are to treat our wives.  Also note how Paul quoted the scripture in Genesis about the husband leaving his family and clinging to his wife.  Interesting, isn’t it? 

            Jesus loved the church so much that He gave Himself on the cross for her even without the commitment of one single individual.  He did it not to gain followers but to show her just how much He loved her.  He gave up everything, including His life for His bride to be – the church. 

            Just so, when Paul said that we are to love our wives as Christ loved the church, this is what he meant.  He knew from the revelation of God that, if the man does what God has told him to do, then the wife will have, in nearly every case, no problem loving, caring for, and respecting her husband.

            I want to conclude this series with a story I have told many times over the years.  A woman was married to a man who was very demanding on her.  He didn’t raise his hand, or get physically violent with her, but he did insist that the house be spotlessly clean, his clothes pressed, folded and put away in a very particular fashion, and that when he got home from work, dinner was on the table and ready for him to sit down and eat with his wife.  In return, she didn’t have to work outside the home which may sound like a very good deal, until he comes in on a daily basis and finds something out of place, or not just quite to his liking and in no uncertain terms lets her know about it.  She put up with the situation for years because she felt she had no choice, but in her heart, she really despised her husband for his intolerance, and seemingly impossible demands.

            One day, he became very sick and after she had spent months taking care of him.  At the end, he passed and she felt guilty because inside she felt a freedom she had forgotten about due to the years of marriage to this demanding man. 

            Time passed and she eventually fell in love with another man.  This guy was completely the opposite of her first husband.  He still made enough money that she didn’t have to work outside the home, and he asked for very little.  He took care of her, loved her and made her feel like his equal.

            One day, as she was putting up his clothes after doing the laundry, she realized that she was doing for her new husband exactly like she had done for her first husband.  Only she had no regrets, and actually found that she wanted to do these things for him.  What was the difference?  It was because it was her choice.  It wasn’t a demand.  She did those things because she loved her new husband and wanted to do things for him.

            That is what can happen when we love our wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.  We can be saved and be a part of this great mystery, of which marriage is a type.  When we exemplify these things in our marriages, we become a living, breathing type of Christ and His church.  So, I ask again, are you’re her type?  Are we a type of Christ and His church?  If we become that type, then our wives will become a type of the church, and how she should react to her husband.   Be that type.  It will make a huge difference in your relationship and might just save your marriage.

Jerry D. Ousley is the author of ?Soul Challenge?, ?Soul Journey?, ?Ordeal?, ?The Spirit Bread Daily Devotional and his first novel ?The Shoe Tree.?  Visit our website at spiritbread.com to download these and more completely free of charge.