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Is It Possible To Fall Out of Love?

by Angie Lewis  
4/01/2009 / Marriage

The reality is you can't fall out of love if you weren't in love in the first place. Real love is incapable of being wishy-washy. Falling in or out of love is a metaphorical term. When someone says they are not "in love" they mean to say they do not want to love to the extreme of what society has termed what being "in love" is because their feelings have told them not to.

Being "in love" in this cultural means to "lust for" or to be "heavily desirous of". It is part of the dating process. You love while the feelings are there to love, but once the feelings of lust vanish you move on and find another lover to fill your emotional and physical needs.

Essentially it is lack of commitment on a married persons part to stop loving their spouse or to not love them just because they perceive they are not "in love" anymore. Its' selfish!

A new command I give you: Love one another as I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. (John 13:34-35)

What would you do if Jesus Christ stopped loving you? That means He would not forgive you of your sins and become your personal Savior. That would be terrible, wouldn't it?

Now hold onto your socks when I tell you this. Most people aren't in love (true love) when they get married. They are still dating. They do not really love their spouse properly to begin with because they aren't applying principled acts of love but rather a shallow love based on how they are feeling. Feelings of desire and lust spur on feelings of being in love. But after being married for some years these lust and desire feelings go away and so you stop doing kind and loving actions for your spouse.

When young married couples get married they are usually not "in love" but they are "in lust" and "in desire." When a person truly loves someone (principled, committed acts of love) they do not just stop loving all of a sudden, no matter what the circumstances are. The reality is most people have made their bed under the feelings of desire, mixed with emotions, and now because those same feelings are gone they stop wanting to love their spouse. They say they aren't "in love" anymore, but actually they don't want to put in the effort to love anymore.

Some married couples will stick it out and love each other and make the best of their marriage. They are committed to loving their spouse by applying "principled acts of love" until death do them part. We all want to feel good about the person we are spending the rest of our life with. The best way to do that is to not expect our spouse to make us happy but to find our happiness through our Creator and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Happiness is not found through others, but through you and your ongoing relationship with Christ. What is your purpose? What is your purpose for your marriage? If you put God at the top of your priority list, where He belongs, it changes everything, doesn't it? What do you think God would like for you to do for your marriage, right now, today? Do it!

Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. (1 John 4:7-8)

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