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12 Ways to Scare an Adoptive Mom - Things Not to Ask

by Lisa Copen  
4/09/2009 / Family

Adoption can be a joyful experience, but it's also not a secret that it can have its shares of worries and uncertainties. If a friend or family member is adopting you may be concerned that she has not yet considered all of the risks involved in putting her heart out there and pursuing adoption. Oftentimes loved ones of those who adopt hear all of the fears voiced by friends and it just adds to their stress. They do understand the risks and don't need really need reminders of them, keeping them awake at night.

What are some concerns you shouldn't vocalize? Some examples include:

[1] Are you worried that you won't be able to bond with the baby?

[2] What if your child looks nothing like you?

[3] Isn't adoption really expensive? How can you afford that?

[4] Sometimes adoption can turn into a real nightmare when the birth father wants rights. What exactly do you know about this guy?

[5] What if you end up paying for all of the birth mom's medical expenses and then she changes her mind about the adoption?

[6] I know when your daughter is a teenager and gets mad at you she will probably want to take off and live with her birth mom. What do you plan to do then?

[7] Aren't you scared that his real mom will change her mind and fight to get him back?

[8] What if your child has some genetic disease that you won't know about for years?

[9] Do you think you can feel the same kind of love for her as you do your other children?

[10] Older children come with a lot more emotional baggage. Have you considered getting a baby so you'd be the mom from day one?

[11] Did you hear that story about that birth mother who kidnapped her child because she wanted to get him back?

[12] Are you worried about the fact that he isn't really your child until the court date in six months?

While it's true that adoption is full of unknowns, parenting in general is a learning experience each day. If your friend or family member is adopting, or has just adopted, understand that they don't necessarily need your input to make sure they are aware of fears that can accompany the adoption journey.

Every family that adopts gets to a point where they must surrender all of their fears and anxieties and focus on the joys that adoption brings. Your support along this journey is more precious than any questions you can ask.

If you lead a support group or are considering it, don't miss Lisa Copen's new book, http://StartAnIllnessSupportGroup.com for your ministry needs. Over 300 pages with step-by-step instructions on how to write a vision statement, promotion and attendance and much more!

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