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"WHAT IF" Jesus Christ applied for American Citizenship?
by Robert Randle
6/17/2009 / Humor
If the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ of Nazareth were to have lived in modern times, it would have been quite interesting to see Him fill out documentation and be interviewed by the INS officials to become an American citizen. There would certainly have to be a few questions which need clarification, for starters, namely, where He is from. He was born in Bethlehem, raised in Nazareth, had a home in Capernaum, and to top it off, He existed in 'heaven' before He was born. It gets even more interesting because Jesus says God is His Father, and in fact nowhere in the entire New Testament does Jesus even mention Joseph. Jesus talks with His mother and brothers but not Joseph. Jesus is mentioned to have sisters and even Joseph is included by those with whom He grew up, but there is no personal conversation involving them and Him.
Mary, His mother became pregnant but it wasn't by Joseph but by the Holy Spirit of God, Who overshadowed Mary and Jesus was formed inside her womb. And when it was almost time for Mary to give birth to Jesus, she and Joseph make this arduous and dangerous trip, at least for Mary, from Nazareth to Bethlehem to register for a census. Mary gives birth to Jesus in a cave or in the section of a house where animals are kept and after He is born, wraps Him in some swaddling cloths and places Him in a feeding trough which is used by animals. This act would certainly have alarmed DSHS as well as the medical community because this would have placed the infant Jesus in jeopardy for exposure to animal diseases and as a newborn with a weakened immune system He would have been susceptible to infections, viruses, germs, parasites, etc. Besides, who would have administered the PKT test and inoculated Jesus from all the childhood diseases, and did Joseph circumcised Jesus? Not only would Jesus have been susceptible to infection but certainly mother Mary for sure. There were no pre-natal visits and screening for STD's or birth defects for Mary as well as check her blood pressure, or dilation of her uterus, and no fetal sonogram or check of her amniotic fluid.
Another incident in Jesus life at around the age of twelve when He and the family were traveling to Jerusalem for a feast and on the way back Mary and Joseph thought Jesus was in the company of their relatives and it wasn't until three days later that they discovered He wasn't with them and they became worried because they lost track of Him and backtracked to Jerusalem where they found Him in the temple having a discussion with the teachers of the Law. Their seemingly irresponsible act or neglect would have prompted a visit from DSHS and possibly the police in this country. The Gospels do not mention Jesus going to school but rather that He never had an education, which means that Mary and Joseph would have violated 'truancy laws' by not admitting Him in public school; unless He was home-schooled.
Jesus practiced medicine without a medical degree, taught religion with a theology degree, and Jesus didn't work but rather was supported by some of His female followers or disciples out of their own private finances. Jesus usually referred to Himself by the enigmatic name, "Son of Man" and He was accused of having lost His mind and even His own people wanted to come and take custody of Him. The relationship between Jesus and His mother and siblings may not have been nurturing and it would no doubt be considered 'dysfunctional.' Jesus told a crowd to eat His flesh and drink His blood and one could accuse Him of 'cannibalism' and Jesus made a chord and whipped some of the moneychangers in the temple and overturned their tables; thereby creating a civil disturbance as well as the charge of assault, but in His defense He said, "ZEAL FOR MY FATHER'S HOUSE CONSUMED ME."
Jesus had a little brush with the Courts, both Jewish and Gentile, where in the latter He was unjustly condemned and sentenced to death by a weak and vacillating Roman Governor and brutalized by officers of the Jewish Supreme Court and soldiers of the Roman Praetorium. Jesus wasn't 'Mirandized' and appeared before the bar of justice without legal counsel, which is a violation of the Constitution. Lastly, Jesus was executed by Capital Punishment without the advocacy of social activists demonstrating this form of barbarism or 'state-sponsored terrorism' but after He died, Jesus rose again from the dead three days later. There is no death certificate signed by the 'Coroner' or Medical Examiner (ME), nor is there any forensic evidence to support His fantastic claim. This is the written statement of Jesus Christ and a thorough background check including interviewing the residents of the places He lived, court records, oral and written histories are not able to verify with absolute certainty the truthfulness of these facts.
So here it is, an applicant with no birth record or genealogy or affidavit signed by witnesses, no formal education, no work history, uncertain paternity, questions of residency, dysfunctional family background, alleged psychological problems, anti-social tendencies, practicing medicine and teaching without a license, was found guilty and executed after a judicial hearing (both religious and secular), and claim to have died and come back to life again; without providing verifiable scientific proof. Therefore, Jesus Christ, Savior of the world, Lord of lords and King of kings, the Alpha and Omega, your request for citizenship is hereby denied forthwith; and Lord forgive us and have mercy on our souls.
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