Ok, Lord, I am going a little nuts here.
Why is this taking so long. Cancer. Melanoma. I saw the spot way last year probably in November.
You wired my sweetie and I don't have to tell you that it took him so long to get it checked. You already knew that factor in this process.
And I am a retired RN with just enough knowledge to be, well, dangerous at this point. He looks to me for wisdom and I am at least 16 years removed from anything relevant. I guess You know all of this too.
Your knowing is a comfort, sort of. I still lay awake and wonder. I feel You said "this is not unto death". There should be comfort in that but what if that was "just me"? What if it was the enemy? Ah, Lord, please let this sheep hear Your voice so clearly and know what to do and say and pray.
After four doctors, incredible delays which are still ongoing. Vacations, full schedules, wrong results, sending things out to as many as 7 pathologists, "honey, I just now faxed all those records", "we didn't get those records"and on and on.
It is my husband's face and body and walk with You. You know just where he is. He hasn't talked with me about that much lately. Oh, Lord, he needs the strength of Your Body so very much. It has been 4 long years since we moved up here and he hasn't fellowshipped. Use this all for Your glory? Please allow Your wonderful son, and incredible gift to me, to see Your Father's heart?
We hear that he is "ok and we will watch". A month later we get those "at home after hours calls" that I have grown to dread. "Ah, I had another colleague look at those slides and we think Mick should have lymph node biopsies." "No, just a simple office procedure."
"No, we aren't doing the biopsies today, it has to be done in the hospital and, well, they can get you in a month from now"
My husband says to me "Isn't the whole object with melanoma to act quickly for the best outcome?"
"Honey, you are right in the center of the most capable hands, those of the Lord Jesus, we don't know about all these delays and speed bumps but they are no surprise to Him and He is the Great Physician."
We still do not know much of anything new. The next appointment is 3 weeks out. We are thinking they will know something immediately because how can they remove lymph nodes and glands until they find out if they are clear or showing cancer.
Today I am trying to fast and pray, lifting my husband to You, my most faithful Lord. Interruptions? Things haven't been like this in months, distractions, chaos? But You are meeting me and giving me what I can hang onto; an e-mail from Pastor Teri, a "blind reference" scripture, Psalm 51, grace to not eat until way after lunchtime, a sense of Your incredible presence.
You are never late for an appointment. And there is no co-pay with You. Your office is efficient and Your prescription is peace. Your staff is wonderful and You have no billing office. Your love is foremost and I know, You love him so much more than even I do.
So, once again, I place my incredible and special husband back into Your most capable hands.
He had more surgery - the lymph nodes were clean and clear! Praising our Lord for sure!!!
Saved by His grace in 1974, from 9 years of professing atheism into His loving arms. RN for 23 years, missionary with YWAM then statistical analyst for Every Home for Christ over 9 years. Living with my husband in the middle of a mountain meadow. GRIN! Wanting to spread the good news