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How Do We Love?

by Elizabeth Marks  
1/26/2007 / Marriage

Wouldn't it be nice if there was an easy formula to follow to express love to you spouse? How interesting. When I began that sentence I thought for sure I would answer YES. On second thought, NO it wouldn't be nice if there was a formula. A major part of relationships is discovery. If we knew exactly how to love our spouse, we'd fall into compliancy because there would be no room to grow.

Think about when you were first dating your spouse. No doubt you spent countless hours together talking about everything under the sun, as I did. It was fascinating to learn of someone else's experiences in life. It was equally exhilarating to talk about our own experiences and have some pay complete attention and be interested in what you were saying. Those times together were times of growing, times of getting to know each other.

As each person was created uniquely by God Almighty, the way in which a person feels loved is just as unique. While some like when the spouse is helpful around the house, others may prefer if their spouse would just sit and listen to them. Some spouses enjoying outdoor activities together, while others may like indoor activities, such as reading. No one way to love fits all people. I, for one, am thankful!

God didn't create us to be robots who mechanically loved him and others by following a formula. He designed us to express love differently depending on who we're matched with.

So how do we love?

The Bible tells us God is love. Anyone who loves knows God. 1 John 4:7-11 NKJV "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 8 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 9 In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. 10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."

The source of our love, the reason we can love at all is because GOD LOVED US FIRST. He knew, in advance, we needed help and He set out to deliver us before we even knew we needed it.

Let me give you a real world example. I recently took a class on Japanese culture and how it differs from American culture. It was a very interesting class! In the Japanese culture, you are brought up thinking of others. You are taught to not only to care for the other person's needs first but to anticipate their needs as well. Just imagine if everyone anticipated each others needs, there would be no reason to worry about your own needs being met. Everyone would be taking care of them. How beautiful! That, my friends, is what God did for us. He anticipated our need for salvation and He took care of it for us by sending His son, Jesus Christ, to die for our sins. He did this out of His love for us. We, too, are called to meet the needs of our spouse, just as God met our need for salvation.

Are you anticipating your spouse's needs? Have you even thought about their needs? Or are you so focused on your own unmet needs you can't begin to think of theirs? God wants us to love each other. Part of that means anticipating and meeting the needs of our spouse.

Having difficulties figuring out how to anticipate needs? Here's some examples but remember, everyone's different. You'll have to investigate or experiment with your spouse on what works for them.

1) Take his/her clothes to the dry cleaner before they even ask.
2) Remember to take something out for dinner in the morning, so the spouse who cooks dinner won't have to.
3) Make arrangement for a quiet evening out, just the two of you, to surprise them.
a. Hint: Hire a baby sitter for a solid year. Plan dates each month, the babysitter will block off on his/her calendar. Tell the babysitter you'll pay them whether or not you use them on those dates. You'll never have to worry about finding a babysitter again.
4) Leave love notes around the house or in the car.
5) Straighten up the house.

A good rule of thumb, follow The Golden Rule from Matthew 7:12 NLT "Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you."

Lord, thank you for your active love that cares for our needs before we even realize them. Help us to love our spouses as you have loved us. Teach us to anticipate and met their needs so that your love may be poured over them through us. Help us discover and carry out meaningful ways to love our spouse. In Jesus name Amen.

Copyright Elizabeth Marks, author of ThinkOnIt Devotions, has a heart for encouraging believers with God's Word. Please visit http://www.ThinkOnItDevotions.com for more devotions, bible studies, book reviews and more!

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