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Tired of Being Afraid
I've been learning that at the beginning of a new year, some people choose a word or a theme for themselves for that year. They might choose the word "believe" or something else that motivates them or gives them a positive attitude.
I found myself doing some "self-talking." You know what that is, right? When you internally speak things to your own heart and soul? Well, I found myself repeating the same phrase the last month or so. So, I decided to make it the "theme" for my life this year. And the theme that I chose (or maybe it chose me) is, "I'm tired of being afraid."
About a year ago someone was acting really mysterious around our house one evening. We concluded that they were contemplating breaking in. Yes, we were at home. And it really shook me up more than I can explain. It was the second little experience I'd had in our home that had made me feel like my home wasn't quite the safe haven I had expected it to be.
I have been afraid to fly. It wasn't just 9/11 although that really exacerbated the situation. It was a bad experience on a thrill ride at Disney world and then feeling that same sense of falling on an airplane. Ever since then I've had a thing about flying and crashing.
I'm a mom of two young and beautiful little girls. All anyone has to do is watch the news to see how fears can permeate my heart on that note. And to be honest, just being a mom in general has brought so many more fears to a heart that was once adventuresome and courageous leaving all to "chance" and the Lord's Will for my life.
But it came to a point after reading a blog one day where someone said that they were tired of being afraid, that I realized I resonated with those thoughts. I was tired of letting Satan control every move I made. I was tired of letting fear hinder me from traveling or taking risks in life and really missing out on the joy of living! My girls have been exhibiting traits of being fearful young women and I just want to live differently.
So, I started looking myself in the mirror and saying, "I'm tired of being afraid."
I have started living a little bit more again and I have found peace come back to my heart because of some steps I have taken to give my fear to the Lord and let Him truly rule my circumstances. I read Scripture verses and have them nearby when I feel fear enter my heart and I have a special set of Christian music set aside in a folder on my MP3 player. I am determined; you see to not let fear take away my life. I don't want to go to heaven and hear God say, "My child this is what you could have had, but this is all I was able to give to you because you let your fear hold you back." No. I want to truly live and I want to put my faith to the test and see what God can do with it and be amazed at the protectiveness and love that He shows me.
I am learning that if I let fear rule, then I do not really trust the Lord very much. I'm showing Him that I don't believe that He can do what He says He can do for me and in my life. That's not what I want to be about.
I'm still on a road and on a journey. I in no way have mastered fear. Satan knows how to push our buttons and where our weaknesses lie. But with the Lord's help, I have improved and I'm on a road to wholeness again.
I read a quote that said, "Courage is not the absence of fear, but the conquest in the face of it."
I want to be a courageous woman of God. I'm tired of being afraid. I'm tired of missing out on things because I was so afraid of what "could" or "might" happen. So I have chosen this to be the theme of my year. A year that I pray ushers in more joy, more compassion, and more faith. All because I'm letting God show me just what He can do with me, for me, and in me.
I believe not only IN Him, but I BELIEVE HIM. And I want to show Him. Do you?
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