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Healing by Faith

by A. Diane Kennedy  
1/13/2010 / Miracles

Last night, my mom went to church with me. This was a pretty big deal because there was a time that she thought that would never happen again. It wasn't all that long ago that mom was praying night and day for me. I have Spinal Stenois, a condition that causes spinal cord to shrink. The cord, which isn't very big, in the first place, literally vanishes. Two years ago, I woke up one morning to discover that I couldn't feel my feet. I could see them, knew they were down there, but I couldn't feel them.
For the following 2 years, I was in a wheelchair. First a manual and then as it progressed, an electric. (It stills sits in my kitchen, as a reminder). During that 2 years, My entire body shrank along with my spinal cord . I went from 125 lbs. To 86 lbs. I went through every treatment and procedure the doctors could think of. I was put on more than 20 different medications per day. I was literally living on pills and water.
The feeling in my legs was completely gone. But the pain in the rest of body got worse each day. Eventually, I was so miserable and hopeless that I started begging to die. That very woman that was sitting beside me last night, I once told that if she really loved me, she'd give me my gun and let me stop my own suffering. She has devoted all she could to teaching her children right from wrong. That faith was the foundation to build every day upon and God was always there. And there she was hearing her only daughter tell her that she didn't believe God was listening anymore. I thought that he had just left me there to suffer. I have been through a lot. Most of which I brought on myself. But this took me to the bottom. There was nothing to live for. I couldn't function. I couldn't take care of myself. I felt like my family would be better off without having the burden of me.
But Momma didn't give up. She took my outburst and my anger and she kept right on praying. The more I doubted the more she prayed. Doctors from The Med to Vanderbilt told my family that there was no way that I could every walk again. The cord was shrinking, the cells and most of nerves were damaged beyond repair. Many of the other nerves were deadened to ease my pain. The fractures in my spine were causing so much swelling that I was having seizures 3 & 4 times a week because of the pressure on spinal cord and brain stem.
Mom didn't give up on God or me. When I reached the point that I realized that she wasn't giving up. I finally shut up and listened. Then I really learned something.
God isn't limited by medical science. He doesn't read x-rays, MRI's or a medical chart. He doesn't refer to research. He loves his children more than anything. The things that matters to God is that his children make it to Heaven. And (as I found out the hard way) even if it took knocking me off my feet and letting me sink as low as I could go...He'd do it before he would give me up.
My legs and back are not perfect. I still can't walk normally or run. I still don't have all the feeling in my legs. But, my soul isn't paralyzed anymore. My heart isn't hard and cold. That was the real sickness that was cause of my true suffering. Hate & Heartache had paralyzed my soul long before my spine paralyzed my legs. I fought God. I ran from God. I broke his heart. I gave up. But he didn't give up and Mom didn't give up. My doctors say that it is unexplainable. But that's not at all true. I've just explained it

Diane is a former event model and scout with a new book coming out in April of 2010.
Diane Kennedy
www.dianekennedy.info

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