Being still in God in the slumber that is terminal
by beatrice ofwona 4/27/2010 / Christian Living
You cannot, dare not, release yourself prematurely from what is, in effect, an assignment to fulfill a certain purpose in life. If you kill yourself, that's throwing God's gift back in His face. If you kill another, you are interfering with God's purpose for this person.
(Adopted from Life after Life by Raymond Moody)
I had a dream that I was falling into an abyss. I woke up sweating and scared. The occasion called for stillness, total surrender and total trust in the Almighty, Jehovah Rapha, the Healer, because it occurred to me that something was not quite right in my body and that I no longer slept the sleep of the undisturbed. The source of this sleep was no longer due to eating too much or because I was exhausted after a hard day's work, instead I was being seized by a slumber that was beyond me, one that bespoke of an invasion in my body and although I tried to control my thoughts, my physiological functions remained captured by the stranger.
Coursing through my veins uninvited, its intention clearly to fell its host, the alien uses stressful situations to assert its presence. Yet how foolish this intruder remains, never knowing that it is bad to bite the hand that feeds you or that it is folly to burn the house that you live in. Like an army at war and surrounding first one cell and then another, the impostor, in its competition to take over, forgets that when the host falls, it too falls and that if the host dies off, it also ceases to be.
A change in climate leaves the cold clutching at my heart. Like skeletal fingers of ice it tries to ooze the warmth of life out of me and as if that were not enough, my thoughts also freeze on the issue and refuse to comprehend the goings-on. In denial, thoughts and dreams take on a life of their own. Try as much as I would, to feed from optimism and despite all assurances , I wonder how much time I really have left. "Twenty years if the drug is taken regularly," they say smugly in perceived fore-knowledge. Then suddenly, it hits me; only God really knows my departure time and it is His report that I must believe! In Psalms 139:15, I am reminded that my frame was not hidden from Him and that He saw my unformed body long before He created me. Further more all the days that were ordained for me were written in His book before one of them came to be.
Waking up in a sweat drenched night and falling on my knees in fervent, tearful prayer, I ask for a healing because that too is a promise for those that know and love Him. This time however, I finally make the decision that the burden is too heavy and that I am too weary. I leave it all to Jesus Christ who has promised rest for those such as myself; weary and heavy laden.
I also realize that Romans 8:28 is clear about what God does with all that happens in our lives; He makes it all work for good for those that love Him. I now understand why we are told that oftentimes distractions are really instructions. I make a conscious decision to live for the purpose of my creation. I will not waste whatever time is left wondering when my life will end because it will end when God fore-saw. I may not be able to control the retreat that is the uncontrollable slumber that now fills my days and which stealthily steals at my peace. But I can look up to the Lord and ask for grace in which I can find joy; this grace that is sufficient for any thorn in my body, as it was for Apostle Paul
There exists a strong correlation between state of mind and well being. I choose to live with a purpose and with a calm mind that is still in the slumber that is terminal. My first vocation is in making use of the gift of life by living it according to God's purpose. I will not leave the world a moment too soon, I will not release myself too soon from humanity by disengaging. I choose to participate in life to my last breath. I choose life over looming death because in Jesus Christ, to die is to gain.
(word count 745)
May these words (sermons), from various men and women of God be a blessing to all.