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Incidentally, I Did This

by Pola Muzyka  
5/10/2010 / Death

There are no flaws. You feel no pain. Nothing. You feel nothing but love. Just pure agape love.

Everyone that ever touched your life -- your husband, your wife, your mother, father, your child, your enemy, your friend -- even the man sleeping on the steps of a cathedral. Shivering. Who previously made you feel a twinge of guilt. Or the woman struggling to juggle her baby and groceries in the same arms. You saw her holding back her tears then. You didn't care. But now you feel unlimited love and compassion for her. For everyone of them. Everyone you ignored. Everyone you judged.

You feel the love. You want to cry for the sheer joy of it. But you can't. You want to help now. But you can't. It's too late. But it's alright. The love you feel inside is overwhelming. Compensating.

You don't know how you got here. You never want to leave. You would give anything and everything to stay. Complete surrender.

Now, imagine that in this place you are standing before a majestic throne. It's your duty now to give an accounting of every idle word. Every deed you did while you lived on earth in your flesh. Every sin you ever committed.

You don't want to. You don't feel as though you've sinned. Not here. Not now.

On the throne sits an awe-inspiring figure. More wondrous than the grand canyon or the Aurora Borealis, more bountiful than the Great Barrier Reef or the Amazon rainforest, more humbling than the Parcutin volcano or Victoria Falls. The figure of a person but without the frailty of a human. The light and the love are emanating from inside this figure. You realize that this is the being that formed you in your mother's womb.

You begin to give an accounting of the life He gave you. You try to think of good things but when you open your mouth everything spills out. You are beginning to feel smaller, more incomplete. Incompetent. The pain is excruciating. You want to go back to how you felt a few second ago. You want to explain. To justify.

All the arrogance, all the unforgiveness, the gossip, the adultery, the killings, pride, hate, bitterness and the deepest, darkest secrets of deception is voiced by your mouth. You're betraying yourself! You start drifting away from the throne. You can't stop it! Every sin you set in motion, every good deed left undone, every hurt you ever inflicted comes out of your own mouth. You hold your head up high and say, "incidentally, I did this." You don't want to, but you do. You don't want to be you right now.

Suddenly there is darkness. The light goes completely out. It's cold, then hot, your back aches, every cut, every bruise, every pain on your body you ever experienced is hurting again. You feel as though your heart will explode. There's no love inside you any longer. No beauty around you. No majesty. You wonder if it ever existed.

You realize you must be in Hell. In Hell with only your thoughts. Oh how you wish you could have just shut your mouth. But somehow you couldn't. You had to get it all out -- everything you ever did wrong.

Then you hear a voice say, "you belong to me."

You look around in the darkness but you can't see a thing. You remember the hope. Jesus paid the price for you. You look up and see a glimmer of light. You begin to see color again. First red. Then a rainbow of colors. You open your mouth. "Incidentally, I accepted the sacrifice of Yashua."

The pain leaves you. You feel as though you're floating on a cloud. You hear music. Instruments of voices all blending together singing, "To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever!"

You look up and see the being on the throne again. You hear a voice like sounds of rushing water say, "You are forgiven, my child." These words permeate into your heart. Gratitude overwhelms you. No more pain. You fall down at His feet. The consequences of your sins were washed away in the blood of the lamb.

When we sin, we set in motion an action that cannot be reversed except by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Only when we're able to say, "incidentally, I listened to His call", will we know the true joy of being in His presence.

Incidentally, that's all I have for now.

Blessings,
Pola

Matthew 12:36
But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.

Jude 1:22-25
22Show mercy to those who have doubts. 23Save others by snatching them from the fire of hell. Show mercy to others, even though you are afraid that you might be stained by their sinful lives.

24God can guard you so that you don't fall and so that you can be full of joy as you stand in his glorious presence without fault. 25Before time began, now, and for eternity glory, majesty, power, and authority belong to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Pola began her career as a dramatic actress. Her passion lies in her relationship with Jesus Christ. She connects Christians in media. She has studied victim's counseling & writes a column for parents and grandparents. Winner of the CSP Christian book of the Year Award 2010 for Escape the Hezbollah.

Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com-CHRISTIAN WRITERS

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