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The Only Marriage That Can't Be Saved
by Greg Baker
5/10/2010 / Marriage
I've dealt with some real problems in marriages. But no matter what the extent of the problems may be, they can be solved. Every marriage can be salvaged and repaired-except one.
The only time I've been unable to help a marriage is when one or both of the couple involved no longer have a desire to make it work. The killing of that desire makes it impossible to overcome the issues in the relationship.
I often have to ask this question to someone who feels dead regarding his or her marriage, "Do you wish that you would care for the marriage?" I'm looking for anything, the smallest grain, the barest hint of a desire to make it work. If I can find anything, there is hope.
But someone who doesn't care won't care enough to make any effort. And that is the reason any marriage will fail. Both sides need to care. Both sides need to have at least a sliver of desire to make the marriage work.
Often times, it will be up to you if your spouse retains his or her desire to make the marriage work. You can so pound a person into the ground emotionally and spiritually that you drive out any desire to even want to make it work. I've witnessed husbands who were so lackadaisical regarding their marriage and wife that they killed her desire to want to be married. They come to me in a last ditch effort to save their marriage, but she doesn't have the will or desire to save it anymore.
It's hard to fix a marriage where someone doesn't want it to be fixed. It's almost impossible.
Don't mistake hope for desire, however. A person who feels that there is no hope may still have the desire to make it work. There is therefore hope for the marriage. I can rekindle hope, but trying to rekindle desire is extremely difficult.
So if your marriage is struggling, the most important thing you can do is try to see to it that desire to make the relationship a success remains on both sides of the marriage. Don't allow the desire to perish.
Consider these things:
1. Be willing to get help. Show that you are willing to make a go at it.
2. Tell your spouse that you believe in them. That'll help keep the desire alive.
3. Say that you aren't willing to give up. If your spouse sees your determination, maybe he or she will be willing to keep trying.
4. Start having weekly dates. This may help rekindle your desire for each other.
Keep desire alive!
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