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The Process of Healing a Broken Heart
by Greg Baker
6/10/2010 / Relationships
There is no quick fix. If you are looking for a magic wand, some spoofal dust, or something like that you won't find it. Healing from a broken heart is a process, very similar, actually, to that of grieving for a loved one that has died.
The grieving process takes time. It isn't something that you can just wave away or flip a light switch to cure.
But that being said, it is possible to heal a broken heart. I pastor many people who suffer a broken heart. All of them have found a way to bounce back and heal from it. But it is never a quick process. I apologize to those of you hoping to find quick relief from the intense pain that you are suffering. No one can take that away from you. But eventually the pain is able to find its proper place in your heart and mind.
The Bible says, 'The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear?' (Proverbs 18:14).
The strength of your spirit is what allows you to bear burdens, difficulties, and problems of life. But when that spirit is wounded, your heart broken, you'll have a difficult time dealing with any tough situation. A broken heart makes life more difficult all the way around. We need to repair the spirit and heal the broken heart.
Here are some thoughts and suggestions for your consideration:
DON'T ISOLATE YOURSELF FROM PEOPLE
I've written about this in other articles so I won't belabor the point here. You need people around you when your heart is broken. The more isolated you are, the harder it will be to heal.
I understand that it was a person or a group of people that broke your heart. And it will be the love of other people that insulate you and help absorb your pain and suffering. You need people. The more isolated you are the more cold you become. The rip in your heart freezes open and will never mend properly.
SEEK HELP FROM A TRUSTED PASTOR OR COUNSELOR
A good counselor, friend, or pastor will give you insight into your situation. They will help you see things a bit differently than you were looking at it. This is important. You need to realize that your pain and suffering has locked you into a particular mode of thinking. Usually, it is dangerous.
A counselor or other advisor will assist you in redirecting your thoughts. You won't be healed by getting help, but you may very well get your feet settled on the path of healing.
In many cases, just talking about it to a neutral person is of great value. Even if the other person offers no advice at all, but merely listens as you talk of your situation is a very important part of the healing process.
At some point, you need to talk about it. You need to express those injured feelings, and get out those lonely and abandoned emotions. It is a release.
I suggest you choose someone who is just willing to listen and perhaps offer a bit of advice to help clear your thoughts.
INTERACT WITH PEOPLE
Do things with people. Not only keep them close, but interact with them. Do things for others, become the person you were. You must go on living if you intend to heal your broken heart.
Find someone else who may be hurting and do something for them. The act of giving and the act of loving are two of the most important things you can do to heal your heart. You need to feel yourself with love of people. Your pain and injury will prompt you not to do this. I suggest you find a way. Find someone who needs you. Invest in them a little bit and show them your love. You'll find this a balm to your broken heart.
Life is relationships. It isn't your things, house, bank accounts, or cars. It is the relationships around you. A relationship requires interaction and involvement. Involve yourself in those around you, those who you may or may not know, and you'll discover the pain in your heart easing.
Some of you may not be a Christian. I still suggest that you explore the spiritual side of your being. Realizing that you have a loving and tender God is essential to the healing process.
Here is a key verse:
Psalms 34:18 The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.
To me, this is such an important quality of my God. I have run to Him often and found solace, comfort, and joy.
You aren't alone. God does know and Jesus does care. Some may argue that if God cares so much, then why would He allow this to happen to you in the first place? The answer is rather long and complex, but let me just say this: the problems and trials that you go through in life are what make you worth knowing.
Take a person who has never gone through any hardship at all. They would not only be very weak, but they would also have nothing to offer the world around them. It is the difficulties and struggles that make you worth knowing.
Jesus knows this and does allow bad things to happen to us. But that doesn't mean He doesn't care or that He won't help. Seek God, He'll be a rock to cling to in the midst of the storm.
GIVE IT TIME
Don't rush it. You're pain will wax and wane like the ocean tide. But over time, if you are doing the other suggestions, you'll find a place for your pain and injury. It'll always be there for you to pick up, but you'll have a place to set it aside as you go on living.
You may even find a use for it. For many people their broken heart has not only mended, but they have taken the experience and bettered their lives. They have used it to help others. They have made the experience valuable.
But allow yourself time. I know it hurts. I know that there are times you feel like dying. But as you follow the other suggestions, you'll find a place for it in your life. It won't always consume you. I promise.
God bless all of you who are suffering a broken heart.
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