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What Drives Premarital Sex

by Baruch Okpulor  
9/07/2010 / Relationships

[email protected] www.lulu.com/spotlight/barock

There are several excuses which are given by youngsters and adult singles for engaging in sexual relationships outside wedlock.
Sex proves your love for me
Most single girls have been sexually and emotionally abused by men because they believe sex is the only way of certifying ones love for the partner. However, they found out later after the one night stand or brief sexual adventure that infatuation is what these folks have for them and not real love.

The Punch, Tuesday, January 16, 2007, reported of a survey of 1,300 girls who were asked if they would agree to sex when asked by a boyfriend, only six gave a definite no. The typical answer, as long as he loves me, its ok, the Newspaper said. About 200 respondents of both sexes said they would have a one-night stand if the opportunity arose, it added.
Most young people believe that caressing, fondling, cuddling and kissing, are the ingredients of love and a proof for love.

The truth is that once you engage in such immoral acts with a person of the opposite sex, it changes your focus on the spirit and character of the person. Your attention is drawn to your bodies and its parts. Your values, interests and self esteem become lowered and you are prone to guilt feeling.

If I dont have sex with him, Ill lose him

A young girl once wrote I have a boy Im dating for some time now. The problem is that he has started pushing me to have sex with him. I am from a Christian home and believe that sex is for marriage. I want to keep myself for the man that would marry me but I dont want to lose this my boyfriend.

Several girls found themselves in this situation. They have constantly given in to sex against their conscience and spiritual well being, because they want to keep a boy or man in their lives.

Premarital sex and sexual activities do not help any girl keep any man but help you lose him. Because sex is powerful, being a divine element, it must be handled with utmost control and care but when such sexual restraint is set aside, it easily consumes both the individual and the relationship.

Low Self-esteem and Quest to be loved

Most youngsters and adult singles have a low opinion of themselves.
They see themselves as being ugly, too short, too fat, unintelligent, lonely and undesired by the opposite sex.
This self-opinion of low esteem cultivates the feeling of inferiority.
Your self-image depends largely on how much respect and value you place on yourself, which in turn determines how much value and respect people would place on you.

Eager George once said the feeling and belief of worthlessness make young people desperate for acceptance and approval of their peers.
Most girls often have poor self-image or low sense of self-worth. Ah, how I wish I am as beautiful as that girl! How I wish I am as tall and intelligent as this girl! A girl who thinks this way might say yes to any boy or man who comes her way as she craves for approval and acceptance to boost her worth.

Distorted Education on Sex and Sexuality

One good reason for the growth of pre-marital sex among singles is wrong information and education received about human sexuality, sex and sexual relationships. This is usually from friends, peer groups, school mates, parents et cetera.

Rape Crisis Center reported that our generation lives with distorted sexual education where two out of three boys and 49% of the girls believe it is acceptable for a man to force sex on a woman if they have been dating for six months or more.

The Child's sexual development and opinion about sex and love would be distorted in a family where exposure to pornographic materials and deviant sexual life is tolerated.
In a generation where the concept of love has been perverted and purity seen as a virtue for the old, our parents have a lot to do as regards the training of the young people on the issue of human sexuality and relationships with the opposite sex.

Most adults learnt about sex on their own but most young people who wanted to do same ended up being perverts, sexual disease carriers, school drop-outs and unwed mothers.
I believe that parents should teach their sons and daughters about right sexual conduct, self-restraint and discipline of the mind and character.

It would help them abstain from sexual sins and its dangers especially during the adolescent period when the urge to experiment about the physical and emotional changes that take place in them.

Inability to Keep Pledge on Virginity

Virginity was a thing of pride to people who had it and regarded as a glory to abstain from sex till marriage.

Today, sex has become a commodity that is freely given and easily received because morality has sunken to the deepest of depths. This trend explains why the cases of cohabitation, separation, divorce, broken homes and hearts, are rampant in our generation.

Most young people pledge to retain their virginity or abstain from sexual relationship until marriage as God commands.
After few months or years of puberty, such pledge is broken by over 60% of young people.

This could be caused by strained parental relationship, sexual abuse by step father or brother, peer pressure, lack of self control, sexual inquisitiveness, rape, revenge, quest to improve social status, pleasure seeking, keep a partner from seeking sex elsewhere, et cetera.

Recommended Books:

The Irony of Love, Premarital And Extramarital Relationships

Stop Existing! Start Living!

Leave your comments, questions and suggestions

Baruch Okpulor is a Priest of the Church and a talented and widely read Writer who writes and speaks on spirituality, self discovery and development, and issues affecting the family, and adult singles. He has seven books on these subjects
www.lulu.com/spotlight/barock
copyrightïBaruch Okpulor 2O1O

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