NO SPERM DONORS ALLOWED IN HEAVEN
by Walter Tsuro 12/08/2010 / Short Stories
On judgment day you will be in the dock plotting your defence against all the cases you reckon might be brought up against you. The one accusation you dread most is of that young girl child you ignored begging for money and later on learnt she died from starvation.
You are convinced you have come up with a defence outline that should but just untangle you out of that blunder and get you the green light to proceed to heaven where you surely deserve.
As the proceedings start, you rehearse the answer - "but Lord, back on earth it was hard to discern who was a genuine beggar and who was a fake one. Moreover, you are the one who taught us we ought to be good stewards of the resources you bless us with!"
However, to your surprise, two angels come in through the back-door rolling a heavy drum and you wonder - "what manner of evidence against me is that?"
Then the Lord will say this is the evidence that condemns you to hell! Overwhelmed and quacking you say, "What is that Lord? I've never seen that before - that's definitely not my stuff. There should be a mix-up here. I know I have sinned but not that much."
He then says to you, Ooh! That's just a collection of your sperms when you were committing adultery and fornication - roughly 20 litres! You see, the average human male produces 5ml of sperm fluid during sexual intercourse. Doing that three times a week for 25 years gives around 20 litres of semen! But since you were an accountant, I figure you would prefer me to give your exact amount - 19.5 litres of sperm fluid.
With a stern face He then commands, may the angels banish this fellow and those with whom he committed sexual immorality with to hell. And take your stinking drum with you for heaven cannot contain such!
With your world thrown upside down - you wonder how they ever got to collect all your immoral sperms. The Lord divinely discerning your heart says - Well it was really very easy. Since you were very cautious of contracting HIV/ AIDS, you resorted to using condoms for protection. Now whenever you disposed of those condoms, angels would eventually find and collect them.
It was a messy job though but at the end of the day [or should I say life] enough evidence was gathered against your sexual immorality behaviour that left many families broken and souls shattered.
"Next case please!"
Walter Tsuro is the author of Faith for overcoming life's mysterious hindrances.
He blogs at www.analysisandcounsel.com - a website whose mission is "everybody making wise decisions".