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Reasons Why You Feel Rejected Or Why Everyone Hates You

by Greg Baker  
2/28/2011 / Relationships


Ever feel that way? Do you feel that everyone hates you? As a pastor and counselor, I have encountered many people who feel this way. In looking into it, I have pinpointed a variety of causes and effects for this discouraging feeling of rejection. In knowing the causes, you may be able to combat it.

Rejection is one of the leading causes of depression. People just don't do well when they feel isolated, ostracized, and alone. In fact, it is nearly a primeval need to have human companionship or acceptance from within the circles we walk. More than that, it is a God given need.

Genesis 2:18 - And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

With that in mind, here are the typical reasons for rejection.

BECAUSE OF A PARTICULAR STAND WE TAKE

In all actuality, if we are rejected because of something we believe in strongly, that is usually fairly easy to take and deal with. For example, I am a Christian and therefore stand on the fact that God is real, Heaven is real, and that Jesus Christ died on the cross so that I might have eternal life. I believe this very strongly. If someone rejects me because of my stand, it really doesn't bother me. This type of rejection is to be expected and therefore fairly easy to deal with.

BECAUSE WE ARE UNWILLING TO CONFORM

This too is a type of rejection we deal with easily. If someone rejects us because we refuse to change to fit something we disbelieve in, we actually view their rejection as something good. For example, if, in order to fit in, I must start smoking marijuana, than that group's rejection of me because I won't do it is actually a relief. In many respects, I'm glad certain groups would never accept me.

BECAUSE WE ARE RECLUSIVE

Now this reason is much harder to take. Many people, I being one of them, are introverts and rather reclusive by nature. The problem with this is profound. When you withdraw from people, because of your fears of rejection, you will only compound that feeling! People will leave you alone if you insist by word or deed that you want to be left alone. When people do as you wish and leave you alone, you feel they are rejecting you. You point out their aloofness as proof when it was you and your reclusiveness that built the castle of rejection you live in.

It may be that determining you are going to make friends instead of waiting for people to make you their friend will net you acceptance. Perhaps it is time to crawl out from your hideaway and involve yourself in the lives of those around you. Acceptance begins with accepting others.

BECAUSE OF A CHOSEN LIFESTYLE

Taking rejection as a result of how we live can be hard or easy depending on the individual and the lifestyle being rejected. When people spurn us for our decisions in life, how we chose to live, we take that as a blow to our ego. Depending on how you view yourself, this could be shrugged aside or become a cancer in your emotional state. No matter if your lifestyle is considered good or bad, rejection due to your chosen lifestyle can bring on depression.

I live a Christian lifestyle. I have been mocked because I carry a Bible. I have been laughed at for speaking of my Saviour Jesus Christ. I have been attacked for believing the Biblical account of creation. I have had my faith scrutinized and criticized. Sometimes, it is very bothersome. Other times, it is easy to shrug off. It can be hard to hear others mocking something you chose to live. But at the same time, I chose this lifestyle because it works. All I have to do is compare my marriage to theirs, my children to theirs, my friends to theirs, and my joy to theirs. Doing that makes it easier to shrug off their mockery. My lifestyle works. If yours does not, it is something you must either change or come to grips with.

BECAUSE OF A BAD REPUTATION

This is hard to deal with. When we are avoided because of a reputation, justly or unjustly deserved, we feel as if we are being perpetually punished. We feel that there can be no forgiveness, no redemption, and no reconciliation. This often leads to depression.

In cases like this, it is best to build a counter reputation. Spending all your time defending your bad reputation is like trying to nail jelly to a tree. Futile. Instead, acknowledge your mistake and focus on building a reputation that puts the lie to the old one.

BECAUSE WE EQUATE CRITICISM AND CORRECTION AS REJECTION

You can't go through life without being criticized or corrected for what you say, what you do, or how you do it. Our nature makes it difficult to take correction well. We get defensive. We take it as rejection. Learn to find the nugget of truth within the criticism or correction that will enable you to grow and improve. Life will be so much easier for you if you refuse to rise to the bait.

WHEN WE CAN'T FIT SOMEONE ELSE'S IDEALS OR PRECONCEPTIONS

Sometimes, you want to fit in with a particular person or group, but no matter how hard you try, they still don't see you as a good fit and reject you. First of all, it is a fallacy to try and make anyone like you. There are just some combinations of people that struggle to get alongeven within the same circles.

That being said, it is more important that you know who you are and where you are going than if someone else is willing to let you tag along with them. When the goal is to be liked by a particular person, you will come across as weak. But if the goal to go somewhere important, you will find others going the same way who want to take the journey with you. It is the work and the journey that bind people together.

BECAUSE WE ARE STUBBORN, OBSTINATE, AND UNYIELDING

Our arrogance and pride is a source of rejection from others. When we say, "This is the way I am, live with it!" The natural reaction from others is, "No, I don't. I'll go somewhere else." Accept that you need to grow and improve. Don't fear your weaknesses, but acknowledge them. People who are trying to improve and grow are nearly universally accepted. People who are stubborn and obstinate find a lot of rejection.

CONCLUSION

In the end, we see that the majority of the reasons for feelings of rejection come from our own selves. Working on our selves may be the best solution to overcoming rejection and finding acceptance among others.

More at: http://articles.christianbaptists.com

Or http://www.fitlyspoken.org for books on communication and social skills in relationships! Specifically, our books 'Fitly Spoken' and 'Restoring a Fallen Christian'.

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