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by Kristi Peifer
9/27/2011 / Skits and Plays
To be performed in reader's theatre style
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Offstage Announcer: Thank you for listening to KPEW. The program you are about to enjoy is brought to you courtesy of Manna in a Minute!
(Announcer reads commercial)
Do you find yourself wandering aimlessly around your kitchen? Do you want to make a healthy, filling meal for your family, but there's nothing in the cupboard but pickled okra and a jar of outdated marshmallow crme? If so, then you need Manna in a Minute! No more wasted time thinking up menus and shopping for a whole list of ingredientsall you need is a box of Manna in a Minute! Cooking it is a cinch, too! Just add water, and voila! Instant gourmet! Manna in a Minute is the quick, convenient way to get your daily bread.
(Opening theme music)
Jim: Hello, and welcome to Gridiron of God! I'm Jim Bodeen.
Phil: And I'm Phil Fisher. Well, Jim, we're back at Church of the Presumption, and it looks like the Rev. has started the game off with a bang!
Jim: Nope, that was just a praise team member knocking over a music stand.
Phil: Heh, heh, heh. So it is. It's a good thing vocalists don't need coordination to sing!
Jim: You've got that right, Phil. Looks like it's going to be an exciting morning. I'm expecting to see some great action out there in the pews!
Phil: The players are assembling as we speak.
Jim: Looks like we have our regulars. There's Lola Stevens jockeying for her customary position in the second pew on the left side. She's sittingshe's getting comfortable
Phil: Ohoh, it looks like Lola forgot her bulletin! She's up! She's making a mad dash down the center aisle!
Jim: But wait! What's this? A newcomer just came up the side aisleand is sitting in Lola's seat!
Phil: Here comes Lola. She's noticed the seat snatchershe's coming in for the sack
Jim: Denied! Interception by Ted Peters, the head usher!
Phil: Nice play there, Ted. That's why they put you in charge, buddy!
Jim: What's this in the foyer?
Phil: It's little Billy Collins! He's trying to find his mother. He's searchinghe's crowding in between the adultshe's
Jim: He's wiping snot on the pastor's wife's skirt!
Phil: I'd hate to have to do her dry cleaning!
Jim: That's for sure. Ah, Ethel Ratzenberger is taking her seat at the organ. It must be time for the service to start.
Phil: An interesting tidbit of information for you, JimEthel is a third-generation organist for the Church of the Presumption. Her mama played organ, her mama's mama played organ, and doggone it if she's going to let the tradition die.
Jim: Yes, indeed. Too bad she's always a couple bars ahead.
Phil: But you've got to admit, Jim, it does lend itself to a rather unique cacophony reverberating off the stained glass windows.
Jim: Speaking of reverberating, there's Richard Jones, making a joyful noise.
Phil: A loud, painful, joyful noise!
Jim: Looks like Janice O'Donnell has had enough. She's rolling her eyesshe's contemplating giving Richard a penalty.
Phil: And he's oblivious, singing at the top of his lungs. Ooh, that was a sour note.
Jim: That did it. She's tapping him on the shoulderhe's turning around
Phil: She's saying somethingit's faint, but I think I can make it outshe's saying, "God gave everyone a gift, but honey, singin' ain't yours."
Jim: Ouch! That hit below the hymnal!
Phil: You know that smarts!
Jim: Yup. And if Janice has any smarts, she'll choose another pew next week!
Phil: Speaking of next week, that's all the time we have for today. Join us next week for a peek at the pastor's playbook.
Jim: We'll be interviewing the Rev. about important church issues, like whether or not the praise team can use drums
Phil: And how to get around that pesky 'but-we've-always-done-it-this-way' committee!
Jim: Until next time, remember to buy Manna in a Minute, and you'll never want for your daily bread!
(Closing theme music)
Copyright Kristi Peifer, 2011.
I am a pastor's wife, the mother of two special needs children, a performer, and a lover of all things funny. My sincerest desires are to glorify Jesus Christ and to make someone laugh--preferably at the same time.
Visit me at www.neverkissatoaster.blogspot.com
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! Click here and TRUST JESUS NOW
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