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The Joys and Not So Joys of Family Mealtime

by Melissa Martin  
10/30/2011 / Humor

Family meals are a unique experience. First, every child has his/her own special chair and nobody can sit in his/her favorite chair. It's a law and siblings who break this law are in big trouble. When children are young, they fight over who gets to say the blessing over the food and when they become teenagers, they fight over who has to say the blessing. Tape the following "shall not" rules to the kitchen wall.

Mom's Ten Commandments for Mealtime
I. Siblings shall not make each other laugh to the degree that the dinner beverage sprays out their noses.
II. Siblings shall not make disgusting noises or actually pass gas at the dinner table.
III. Siblings shall not fight over the seating arrangements.
IV. Siblings shall not stick spoons on their noses.
V. Siblings shall not feed broccoli to the family dog.
VI. Siblings shall not try to hide the peas under the mashed potatoes.
VII. Siblings shall not gripe when leftovers are served.
VIII. Siblings shall not throw cooked carrots at each other when mom is not
looking.
IX. Siblings shall not purposely talk with mouths full of food in an attempt to
gross out brothers and sisters.
X. Siblings shall definitely not participate in items 1 through 9 when guests
are coming to dinner.

Dad's Ten Commandments for Mealtime
I. Siblings shall not forget to wash their hands (with lots of soap and water).
II. Siblings shall not call names and make inappropriate faces at each other.
III. Siblings shall not tattle at the dinner table.
IV. Siblings shall not touch the food of others in an attempt to cause an argument.
V. Siblings shall not complain about whose dessert is bigger.
VI. Siblings shall not be excused until dinner is over.
VII. Siblings shall not complain about washing dishes when it is their turn.
VIII. Siblings shall not hurry through dinner in order to get to the television first.
IX. Siblings shall not refer to mom's cooking as garbage, yucky stuff, or dog-food.
X. Siblings shall definitely not participate in items 1 through 9 when guests are coming to dinner.

Melissa writes about the God and human connection and condition.

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