by Melissa Martin
11/09/2011 / Humor
Going to the grocery store with children is an interesting experience. The plan is to sneak off alone but this is mission impossible. Children mysteriously show up right before departure. First, siblings fight over a window seat in the car. Next, they argue over who gets to sit in the grocery cart and who gets to push it. The grocery bill doubles when it's a family affair, but you don't notice until the cashier rings up the grand total. By then, it's too late to put back all the items that mysteriously fell into the cart by accident and nobody will confess. Store employees and other customers can always recognize a shopping mom. Her symptoms include: hair standing on end, teeth clinched, dazed facial expression, no make-up, baggy sweatpants, gaited walk, and salvia drooling down her chin.
Supermarkets are one-stop shops where you find everything from banking to babysitting. I recommend a change in policy. Managers should put pharmacists at the store entrances to hand out free samples of tranquilizers to mothers. The more children you have the higher the dosage you receive. Better yet, the pharmacists could use binoculars to spot shopping mothers in the parking lot and shoot them with tranquilizer guns before they even enter the store. By the time these moms get to the vegetable/fruit section, they'll be as cool as cucumbers and as calm as cantaloupes. Oh, the joys of grocery shopping with kids!
Melissa writes about the God and human connection and condition.
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