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Bone of my bones,

by Duane Huffstutler  
4/08/2012 / Marriage

Gen 2:21-24 21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; 22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. 23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (KJV)

Why should a man and a woman get married? Almost everyone would say because of love, Right? Well I have a surprise for you. It was less than 200 years ago when people decided that they should get married because they loved one another. Why did people get married for the 6800 years prior to that? Did people get married to repopulate the earth? No. Surprisingly enough they got married because they were told who they were going to marry. Almost every marriage prior to 200 years ago was a prearranged marriage. The parents got together and decided that the young man or young woman would benefit either or both families. The young man would be able to protect and provide for the new family or the young woman would be of some benefit to the family. But both families had to benefit in some way or the marriage was never arranged. These marriages were to be for life. Yes, some didn't make it that long but they didn't separate because they didn't love each other, because love never entered into the picture. Most divorces were because of severe mistreatment and the woman could not hide it anymore. There were many times when the woman got tired of being beaten instead of running away she would wait until he was asleep and take a baseball bat or an iron skillet and beat the stew out of the man and I mean she beat him to a pulp broke bones she would not quit or surrender her weapon, if he lived threw it the wife beatings stopped. There were not many divorces at that time. There were not a lot of kids dating at that time either.
Was there something that they knew that we don't? I think that there was and I am going to attempt to tell you what they knew that we don't. When you get married for love that love can grow cold after a time if you don't do something every day or so to keep the fire burning. When the fire grows cold then the people want to run to someone new and build a new fire. What happens when that fire grows cold? Is there a third or a fourth marriage?
Now I want to talk to the young people, you older ones can listen if you would like you might just learn something also. The Lord has showed me something that I have never told anyone. It pertains to the way I lived when I was much younger. I played the field, I dated a lot of young ladies and I pushed the dating line a bit but never crossed it until I was in the Army. I never realized just what was happening to me or them during this dating thing. It is not very apparent what is going on inside of you when you are dating a lot of people.
The first couple of dates are just to get you warmed up to each other, just to see if there could be something between you to spark your interest. The more you see that person the closer you get. Maybe you even kind of like her or him. So you decide to go steady or whatever it is called now days it is all the same, you go with him and no one else. After a while you break up. Have you ever wondered why it hurt so badly when you break up? Let me tell youit hurts because you have given part of yourself to her and she has given part of herself to you. At that point you do not get that part of yourself back. There will always be a part of her in your life and you cannot fill that spot with anyone else no matter how hard you try. So you go with someone else for a while to try to fill the gap and you fall in love with her. Then for some reason you break up againthere goes another little piece of you, and you now have pieces of 2 young ladies in your heart. So now what? The more you go the less you have of you and the more little pieces of them you have. Then you come to the point of getting married. You really love her and you want to give your whole heart to her and do everything for her. But you find out that you can't you have already given part of you away and you have parts of many young ladies inside of you so you can't love her as deeply as you wanted to. You try and try and for a while it works but as time goes on it is harder and harder then one day you can't anymore. You have given all you have and there is nothing left to give. You go to the Lord and ask him what you can do, then he tells you what you have done and the fix is not easy. It takes fasting and prayer. It takes going deep inside of you and facing your past and admitting to the Lord what you have done that you didn't think about while you were doing it. Most of the time it is too late to go back to the young ladies and get things right with them but you have to make sure that everything is right between you and God. Then you have to ask him to heal you heart and restore the parts that you have given away so that you will be able to give your entire heart to your wife and family. This is not something that happens over night it takes a long time to get the restoration complete. Let me tell you if I had known when I was your age what the Lord has shown me recently I would have never done the dating thingespecially the way I did it. I would have spent time every night on my knees praying that the Lord would bring the right young lady to me that he created just for me. If I had characteristics that I preferred I would have thrown them in also but I would have let the Lord bring her to me not me going out looking for her. I did that with Shirley, and he did what I said, he took me to the place where I needed to be and brought her to the same place then told me who she was and that I was going to marry her. The Lord and I had a discussion about it but we got married a short time later. I can honestly say it has not been easy. The kids made sure of that. But over the years almost 19 now it has been worth it. Yes, the kids have come around and they have kids trying to show them what it was like for us when they were growing up. Let me tell you a little something else before I quitWhat you put your parents through, your kids will put you through it also and most of the time it will be worse.
God created a man and a woman to be together for life. Not because they love each other because there will be times when you don't love each other but to look after each other and lift each other up and take care of each other. The bottom line is you were made to help each other man to listen to God and lead the family, woman to help the man and teach the children. Children you are to learn from your parents the ways of the Lord and pass them on to your childrenand the cycle continues. Love is not the only reason to get married, because Love will come and go. The reason to get married is because God said that is the woman for you to spend the rest of your life with. That is the reason to get married.

Duane L. Huffstutler, Written 2011, Faithwriters.com
Duane L. Huffstutler is the Sunday School Director at Oak Grove Pentecostal Ministries in Bonifay Florida. All scripture is from the King James Version (1611)

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