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Christian Marriage Help: Wives Believe Internet Pornography Is Cheating

by Karla Downing  
5/14/2012 / Marriage

Are you looking for Christian marriage help because you are a wife that believes internet pornography is cheating? "Internet cheating" is rampant even with men in the church. It includes viewing pornography, engaging in chat room conversations, sending personal pictures online, and self-stimulating while engaging in one of these activities. Women do not like their husbands engaging in this internet cheating and have the following emotional reactions:

1. Dislike. Even just having their husbands look at pornography makes most women uncomfortable. It feels like a betrayal to have your husband lusting after another woman even if she is in photograph or video form. Women feel more insecure about their bodies and sexual performance knowing their husbands are looking at "perfect" women.

2. Pressure. Women feel pressure regarding their sexual performance. Sex in pornography is more lustful than loving. It is not uncommon for a husband to ask his wife to do things during their lovemaking that he has seen in porn and push her to be sexier or more aggressive, passive, or provocative. If this is a change in their lovemaking, this feels uncomfortable and creates a dilemma for the wife who now links their sexual union with his use of porn. Some men want sex several times a day and will pressure their wives to be available to them for sex anytime. A wife experiences pressure to give in to keep the peace, keep her husband from being tempted, reassure her she is still attractive and desired by him, and avoid his anger.

3. Emotional Pain. If the acting out is frequent or regular, the wife will experience lots of painful feelings: betrayal, rejection, disgust, fear, anger, hurt, jealousy, confusion, panic, sadness, and self-doubt. If she has asked her husband to stop and he hasn't, then there is more pain. If she has just found out about the sexual acting out and it has gone on for a while without her knowing, she will struggle with shock and denial.

4. Shame. Women often feel like there is a cloud of shame over the relationship. They don't want to "tell" anyone what is going on because they feel embarrassed. Husbands may also tell their wives not to talk about it to others. If he has high-profile relationships or a job where disclosure will hurt his reputation or job, it becomes even more difficult to disclose. Some women feel it is their fault and that if they were better wives and sexual partners that their husbands wouldn't do it.

5. Rejection. Some men withdraw emotionally and physically from the relationship when they are engaging in their addiction, because it is easier to engage with a virtual woman than a real woman. Wives feel isolated and rejected and distanced from their husbands.

6. Obsession: When a wife discovers her husband has been internet cheating, she is hurt and shocked. The fear that her husband is going to do "it" again leads her to obsess about finding out when he does. The need to police her husband to find out everything he is doing and has done includes checking up on him and playing detective.

God made men to be sexually stimulated visually. The use of pornography is a powerful temptation for men and although it may feel "normal and okay" to them, it is anything but "normal and okay" to their wives. Jesus reminded men that even to look at a woman and lust after her in your heart is adultery (Matthew 5:27-28). A woman's feelings reflect the seriousness of this act that is "internet cheating."

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Next, if you need more practical tips and Biblical truths to help you change your relationships, get my FREE "15-Day Relationship Challenge" designed to give you back the power over your life.

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